I wonder if anyone knows why, because I don't. I wonder if anyone knows what I did, because I don't. I miss my mum & I miss my family in the U.K. I miss my extended family here in the U.S. & even though my sister is back & my best friend is here (& boy it is a good thing) there are some days I can feel so very alone.
I think I feel really far apart from my Auntie Brenda. I always loved talking to her, but Tony tells her things....I expect she may have known about this woman, but like my friend said she wouldn't have said anything as she wouldn't have felt it wasn't her place. Boy she should have! My mom was gone, I would have wanted her too! There was no one else that would have told me & Tess. No one else would have known.
I am not sure what I am supposed to have done. The last time I saw hime was after Easter when he was all giddy about his girlfriend. Anyone who is on here can see how I was struggling with that. I haven't done anything since that. I don't call & borrow money every other day. In fact I haven't borrowed a dime from him since my mum passed at all. I would think he'd like that. The only money my sister borrowed was a loan for a vehicle, which she is paying monthly. Not sure what she did either, but the "B" reference what that she was "acting like a bitch like the other one." Darn we are a pair then, huh! What a nasty thing to tell you daughters. But then again, I guess we really aren't are we?
My sister found a really nice plaque & we gave it to him - about even though he wasn't our biological dad, to us he was out real dad. Well, today we found it left on a shelf in the house with things he didn't want along with some family photos, including some of Faith, Ian & pictures of him & my mum when they first met. I am curious how we are to take that. See, my sister just gets mad. I am still a sentimental moron & I brought it home. I guess because that is who I remember who I remember my dad as. As in past tense.
Showing posts with label My Dad Tony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Dad Tony. Show all posts
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Lost both my Parents.....
Okay, maybe if I type it I will feel better & be able to let my dad move on & let it go. At least that is my hope since every night I lay here thinking about it & it is driving me crazy.
June was my birthday & without my mother I understood somewhat my dad, whom I actually call "Pop" not talking much. For Father's Day my sister & I were concerned & did a lot of looking a lot at each other as he did not seem to enjoy himself. Was this the lack of mom again? After asking him later he told us he felt it was silly & a commercial way to get money. My sister & I found it upsetting as we had gotten him things we felt he could/would use & not really frivulous things as we know he doesn't like that. He felt what he had was good enough.
Last July my father & I had a falling out, which you can read @ if you really want to. It wasn't exactly about me, but cruel things were said & I felt his behavior had been unusual from the way he acted from before his trip to the UK where he took some of my mother's ashes to be put in a castle, to after he came back. I tried sharing my feelings with him, but he didn't feel he had been acting any different. I felt a definate distancing. On top of that, it was my Aunt Brenda who told me about what they did with my mother's ashes, not my dad. He later said he thought my sister & I would come out to visit, but we were already feeling uncomfortable & decided to wait a while.
I used to love talking to my dad whenever he would stop by to use the phone between his chimney sweep apts. He would talk politics with me & we didn't have to agree & that was what was fun, plus he is a Brit, so what can be more fun & he was my dad. (A long process in itself with a step-parent.) He love my children & they him. So, when this falling out occured & he said he didn't feel we were that close & never really talked I found it really hurtful. I found a lot of it hurtful & after 22 years of him being my father, I didn't understand it.
I went weeks without answering my own door any time the bell rang & took to locking my door, which anyone can tell you, I never do. I was afraid to see my own father. (See July fight to see there was a second "fight".)
During this time my sister left to help take care of our Uncle Joe in KS. She refused to say goodbye to out dad, despite my telling him to tell her goodbye. She is more stubborn than me. :) So, when my son attacked me I didn't want my own dad involved. I didn't even tell him.
Eventually, there was a hug & an appology, but it was my appology with a statement that he was my dad for 22 yrs & we had never fought. He said he knew. Of course we didn't always agree, but never "fought". So, why was I still not comfortable with my own dad?
When Ian, Faith & I went to the house he & my mother had up the hill for Thanksgiving, the first without my mother, I was uncomfortable. Partly, because my mother was missing. Partly because of things me said & I felt I should be doing certain things & not others, so I didn't enjoy myself & want to escape, something I would never have done before. It was painful.
Then the next difficulty was Christmas. I didn't want a replay at the house, but I didn't have to worry, he didn't want anything for Christmas. Who heard of such a thing? How can you not buy your grandfather & father something for Christmas? I hated it. Even if it was a pair of shoes he wanted or something. Of course I couldn't even find those, darn it. He came over to watch the children open presents. I opened the presents my sister sent me. It was the most depressing Christmas I had in my entire life. At least the Christmas my mother died before we had presents she had for us. At least my dad was a part of it. He was present in body & spirit. At least my kids were happy even though Connor was not with us & with a foster family. I didn't even get to see him for Christmas as it was a trial period. Wonder if my dad even thought of that. Oh my thank goodness I am a Catholic & know that it was about Jesus' birth or I would have lost my mind!
Well, I did technically get him one thing that happened to come in the mail just as he was leaving as this was early Christmas Eve. It was a Grandfather's Journal. I was hoping he would fill it out for his side of his family for the children. He didn't thank me, but said, he would "see what he could do". I have never heard @ it since.
He would come around every other weekend or two or three before church. He would ask what I knew, which wasn't usually too much. On occassion I would remember something if my sister had text me that week. Mostly it was just that my uncle was doing ok or just normal sister talk, nothing vital. He knew more about things than I did since he calls people & I don't. I guess I did all my calling as a teen ager & young adult!
When Tess (my sister) sent me photos a couple weeks ago of my Uncle Joe getting around & my new cousin Melody he didn't seem interested or he didn't say as much. Hard to tell with Pop some times. He isn't overly expressive. So, I talked less during his visits.
He would ask about the kids. Ian & Faith were there most of the time, but not always overly talkative. Ian knew of the fight of course & is very protective of us. (He had asked his grandfather to leave before in July. I don't think he understood the changes either.) In short, we grew further apart. I don't like it. It bothers me. I didn't know how to fix it.
Easter...Since my boys could walk Easter was spent with family. After my Aunt no longer had us all around my mum & dad had us out at their house for egg hunts, baskets & a meal....always. This year not even a Happy Easter. I had no Connor either. I couldn't visit & had to send him a late "basket". He asked the next visit what we did. That was the last we saw for a couple more weeks & he showed up in the middle of the week, which is better as many weekends I am worn or have Fibro attack or tired from trips to Las Cruces. He said he thought he would stop by since he hadnt seen us for a while. He asked how we were & said he had a girl friend. He did seem a bit bashful about it. I am afraid I wasn't overly serious & asked if she was 4 legged or 2 legged. He said he wasn't into that type of thing & I said I thought perhaps he got a new dog & was quite serious. He had laughed. I asked him some questions. He told me her name. She was from NY. He had done her chimney's before. That was really the jist of the conversation.
Apparently, he told my sister a couple wks before & she was trying to "think of a way to tell me". I didn't realize I had gotten so scary in my old age, but apparently I have. I was wondering why he would ask her to dog sit when he went on a trip in Aug when she lived in KS instead of me when I lived here. Still didn't make since. Apparently, he was going away for a month with this girl friend. Is it just me or does that seem like an awful long time for someone who just told me he has a girl friend, albeit he has been seeing her at least a month if he told my sister before me.
Okay, so yup I ran to my best friend, thank God for her & thank God for her; yes I said that twice, that my mum has been gone 1 yr 4 mo & my dad has a girlfriend. (I have also not seen or heard from my dad since he told me either.)
I told my son, "Pop just told me he has a girlfriend". I said nothing. He said, "Great he just throws my grandma aside." He is still mourning. So is my other son. My daughter isn't mourning, she is young, but she talks about her a lot my friend, Kerry tells me.
So, that bothered me a lot. I realized that when having dinner & my son made a similar comment & Kerry tried to console him & I got angry with her comment. They weren't bad, but I got angry, actually angry inside. Oh, yeah, bothering me a hair. Then the dreams started. I was not a happy camper & they weren't just one-sided either. In one my mother was dating another man & I told this "man" what too. "Listen, I have had two dads, my biological one & my step-dad & I have no room for another." So, at least I know I was being fair!
Mother's Day last year my sister & I received cards from my dad. I especially miss my mum on this day & it seemed harder this year, so maybe I was more touchy, but I never heard from my dad at all on Mother's day this year.
The dreams let up & then I was hit with another blow. My Aunt Megs (Maggie) had a call a few weeks ago from my dad where he told her he had a girlfriend. (To my chargrine my aunt thought this was good news.) What nearly brought me to tears was that she is living with him & apparently has been. She is living in my mother's home. This is what I can't get passed. We never even had the chance to meet her. "I asked someone out to dinner." "Really?" None of that. But see she is in the home my parents bought together, on the land they chose, in my mother's bedroom, in her bed & maybe a man has no couthe & many have no clue, but women do & as her daughter knowing what I know about her happiness & lack of it down right pisses me off. And there is a little issue with my Uncle Robert doing a similar number on my Aunt Joey a few yrs before & my dad talking to him about his strange behavior? Ha! Amazing!
Okay, so here is the clincher. My aunt says, there is a problem with them living together. He says he isn't Catholic, but Church of England. They teach the same she says. This woman is Catholic & been married twice before. My aunt was worried she was maybe just after some man to take care of her. Maybe, I wouldn't have a clue now would I. I don't even know her full name! So, now they are working on her frickin annulment!!! Do you know what an annulment in the Catholic religion is for folks? Getting frickin married!
Okay, since the frickins are coming now, not so sure the writing thing is going to fricking work out as airing out & trying to work throug this & let it go. Crap! See, why I named it this? I felt like I lost my mum & about six months later I lost my dad. The only real dad I had. It really sucks. God, I miss my mum. I am glad she is with you. But I can't help but wish maybe my son was with her too. Then I know he would be safe. Maybe if you would just come for us now, we could all be at peace. Right?
June was my birthday & without my mother I understood somewhat my dad, whom I actually call "Pop" not talking much. For Father's Day my sister & I were concerned & did a lot of looking a lot at each other as he did not seem to enjoy himself. Was this the lack of mom again? After asking him later he told us he felt it was silly & a commercial way to get money. My sister & I found it upsetting as we had gotten him things we felt he could/would use & not really frivulous things as we know he doesn't like that. He felt what he had was good enough.
Last July my father & I had a falling out, which you can read @ if you really want to. It wasn't exactly about me, but cruel things were said & I felt his behavior had been unusual from the way he acted from before his trip to the UK where he took some of my mother's ashes to be put in a castle, to after he came back. I tried sharing my feelings with him, but he didn't feel he had been acting any different. I felt a definate distancing. On top of that, it was my Aunt Brenda who told me about what they did with my mother's ashes, not my dad. He later said he thought my sister & I would come out to visit, but we were already feeling uncomfortable & decided to wait a while.
I used to love talking to my dad whenever he would stop by to use the phone between his chimney sweep apts. He would talk politics with me & we didn't have to agree & that was what was fun, plus he is a Brit, so what can be more fun & he was my dad. (A long process in itself with a step-parent.) He love my children & they him. So, when this falling out occured & he said he didn't feel we were that close & never really talked I found it really hurtful. I found a lot of it hurtful & after 22 years of him being my father, I didn't understand it.
I went weeks without answering my own door any time the bell rang & took to locking my door, which anyone can tell you, I never do. I was afraid to see my own father. (See July fight to see there was a second "fight".)
During this time my sister left to help take care of our Uncle Joe in KS. She refused to say goodbye to out dad, despite my telling him to tell her goodbye. She is more stubborn than me. :) So, when my son attacked me I didn't want my own dad involved. I didn't even tell him.
Eventually, there was a hug & an appology, but it was my appology with a statement that he was my dad for 22 yrs & we had never fought. He said he knew. Of course we didn't always agree, but never "fought". So, why was I still not comfortable with my own dad?
When Ian, Faith & I went to the house he & my mother had up the hill for Thanksgiving, the first without my mother, I was uncomfortable. Partly, because my mother was missing. Partly because of things me said & I felt I should be doing certain things & not others, so I didn't enjoy myself & want to escape, something I would never have done before. It was painful.
Then the next difficulty was Christmas. I didn't want a replay at the house, but I didn't have to worry, he didn't want anything for Christmas. Who heard of such a thing? How can you not buy your grandfather & father something for Christmas? I hated it. Even if it was a pair of shoes he wanted or something. Of course I couldn't even find those, darn it. He came over to watch the children open presents. I opened the presents my sister sent me. It was the most depressing Christmas I had in my entire life. At least the Christmas my mother died before we had presents she had for us. At least my dad was a part of it. He was present in body & spirit. At least my kids were happy even though Connor was not with us & with a foster family. I didn't even get to see him for Christmas as it was a trial period. Wonder if my dad even thought of that. Oh my thank goodness I am a Catholic & know that it was about Jesus' birth or I would have lost my mind!
Well, I did technically get him one thing that happened to come in the mail just as he was leaving as this was early Christmas Eve. It was a Grandfather's Journal. I was hoping he would fill it out for his side of his family for the children. He didn't thank me, but said, he would "see what he could do". I have never heard @ it since.
He would come around every other weekend or two or three before church. He would ask what I knew, which wasn't usually too much. On occassion I would remember something if my sister had text me that week. Mostly it was just that my uncle was doing ok or just normal sister talk, nothing vital. He knew more about things than I did since he calls people & I don't. I guess I did all my calling as a teen ager & young adult!
When Tess (my sister) sent me photos a couple weeks ago of my Uncle Joe getting around & my new cousin Melody he didn't seem interested or he didn't say as much. Hard to tell with Pop some times. He isn't overly expressive. So, I talked less during his visits.
He would ask about the kids. Ian & Faith were there most of the time, but not always overly talkative. Ian knew of the fight of course & is very protective of us. (He had asked his grandfather to leave before in July. I don't think he understood the changes either.) In short, we grew further apart. I don't like it. It bothers me. I didn't know how to fix it.
Easter...Since my boys could walk Easter was spent with family. After my Aunt no longer had us all around my mum & dad had us out at their house for egg hunts, baskets & a meal....always. This year not even a Happy Easter. I had no Connor either. I couldn't visit & had to send him a late "basket". He asked the next visit what we did. That was the last we saw for a couple more weeks & he showed up in the middle of the week, which is better as many weekends I am worn or have Fibro attack or tired from trips to Las Cruces. He said he thought he would stop by since he hadnt seen us for a while. He asked how we were & said he had a girl friend. He did seem a bit bashful about it. I am afraid I wasn't overly serious & asked if she was 4 legged or 2 legged. He said he wasn't into that type of thing & I said I thought perhaps he got a new dog & was quite serious. He had laughed. I asked him some questions. He told me her name. She was from NY. He had done her chimney's before. That was really the jist of the conversation.
Apparently, he told my sister a couple wks before & she was trying to "think of a way to tell me". I didn't realize I had gotten so scary in my old age, but apparently I have. I was wondering why he would ask her to dog sit when he went on a trip in Aug when she lived in KS instead of me when I lived here. Still didn't make since. Apparently, he was going away for a month with this girl friend. Is it just me or does that seem like an awful long time for someone who just told me he has a girl friend, albeit he has been seeing her at least a month if he told my sister before me.
Okay, so yup I ran to my best friend, thank God for her & thank God for her; yes I said that twice, that my mum has been gone 1 yr 4 mo & my dad has a girlfriend. (I have also not seen or heard from my dad since he told me either.)
I told my son, "Pop just told me he has a girlfriend". I said nothing. He said, "Great he just throws my grandma aside." He is still mourning. So is my other son. My daughter isn't mourning, she is young, but she talks about her a lot my friend, Kerry tells me.
So, that bothered me a lot. I realized that when having dinner & my son made a similar comment & Kerry tried to console him & I got angry with her comment. They weren't bad, but I got angry, actually angry inside. Oh, yeah, bothering me a hair. Then the dreams started. I was not a happy camper & they weren't just one-sided either. In one my mother was dating another man & I told this "man" what too. "Listen, I have had two dads, my biological one & my step-dad & I have no room for another." So, at least I know I was being fair!
Mother's Day last year my sister & I received cards from my dad. I especially miss my mum on this day & it seemed harder this year, so maybe I was more touchy, but I never heard from my dad at all on Mother's day this year.
The dreams let up & then I was hit with another blow. My Aunt Megs (Maggie) had a call a few weeks ago from my dad where he told her he had a girlfriend. (To my chargrine my aunt thought this was good news.) What nearly brought me to tears was that she is living with him & apparently has been. She is living in my mother's home. This is what I can't get passed. We never even had the chance to meet her. "I asked someone out to dinner." "Really?" None of that. But see she is in the home my parents bought together, on the land they chose, in my mother's bedroom, in her bed & maybe a man has no couthe & many have no clue, but women do & as her daughter knowing what I know about her happiness & lack of it down right pisses me off. And there is a little issue with my Uncle Robert doing a similar number on my Aunt Joey a few yrs before & my dad talking to him about his strange behavior? Ha! Amazing!
Okay, so here is the clincher. My aunt says, there is a problem with them living together. He says he isn't Catholic, but Church of England. They teach the same she says. This woman is Catholic & been married twice before. My aunt was worried she was maybe just after some man to take care of her. Maybe, I wouldn't have a clue now would I. I don't even know her full name! So, now they are working on her frickin annulment!!! Do you know what an annulment in the Catholic religion is for folks? Getting frickin married!
Okay, since the frickins are coming now, not so sure the writing thing is going to fricking work out as airing out & trying to work throug this & let it go. Crap! See, why I named it this? I felt like I lost my mum & about six months later I lost my dad. The only real dad I had. It really sucks. God, I miss my mum. I am glad she is with you. But I can't help but wish maybe my son was with her too. Then I know he would be safe. Maybe if you would just come for us now, we could all be at peace. Right?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Issues with my Dad
Those who don't know, which should be no one, I had a falling out with my dad last July.
It actually didn't have to do with me at all, since he was mad at my sister, but he took it out on me & told me several things about me, how he feels about me & my spending time with my kids, & how we had no real relationship which really destroyed how I felt since I always enjoyed talking to him & felt I had a good relationship with him.
Wow, so that kind of blew a 22 year relationship out of the water. We hadn't always gotten along, but that was more when I was in my 20's & had just come back home from the Navy. He became my step-father when I was a junior in high school. We had one other issue when we lived in Wales. My mother & I were not getting along, I was 17, & I was confiding in him, I thought. It was someone to talk to about how I felt. He told my mother that he thought I was trying to put a wedge between them. Why would I? She was happy, then.
So, my dad & I don't really talk much. I feel uncomfortable when he comes over like I should be doing something. Kind of like my ex maked me feel. Thanksgiving last year without my mum was up at their old house & I felt uncomfortable. Not just because my mum was not their, but because whenever I sat down I kept hearing the conversation where he said all I ever did when I visited was sit on my butt & why didn't I go outside & play with my kids. (Funny, thought it was cause they were playing & having fun & I was visitng my mum. But he yelled that I didn't visit her enough either.)
Ok, so I wonder why my dad pops in when he sits there. I tell him stuff that he can do nothing about & I don't call people so don't know much. When I showed him photos from our family in Kansas where my sister is staying he doesn't seem interested. Maybe he is & I am misreading, but he didn't comment, so I can't say.
So, he didn't come over for a few weekends (he usually stops by before church). Easter came & went & I was glad in the sense I didn't want to go up to the house & be uncomfortable. Then he popped in suddenly, mid week. I sat at my desk & he was in front of it. He said he hadn't been by in a while & thought he'd stop by. He said he had been busy, he had a girlfriend.
I am afraid my response was to ask if she had four legs or two. He said he wasn't into that kind of thing! I thought maybe he got a pet & that is what I meant. Apparently this lady is someone he has cleaned a chimney for in the past.
There are a few interesting things to note:
1. He told my sister about this at least a week before me.
2. When he told my sister she could move into the house in Dog Canyon he said, "We've discussed it, & decided....." So, he is discussing things with this woman that have nothing to do with her since this was propety he was going to sign over to my sister & I until this fight last July.
3. My cousin in KS asked if I thought he was having an affair as my mum had told her she suspected as much. I told her no. I don't think I was wrong.
4. How long has he been seeing this woman?
5. My mother has been dead 1 year 4 months when said he had this girlfriend & apparently told my sister he was going away for a month in Aug with this woman. How well do you know someone before you go away with them for a month?
6. Why would he ask my sister to come from KS to watch his dogs for this month when I live here? I must be scarier than I though!
It actually didn't have to do with me at all, since he was mad at my sister, but he took it out on me & told me several things about me, how he feels about me & my spending time with my kids, & how we had no real relationship which really destroyed how I felt since I always enjoyed talking to him & felt I had a good relationship with him.
Wow, so that kind of blew a 22 year relationship out of the water. We hadn't always gotten along, but that was more when I was in my 20's & had just come back home from the Navy. He became my step-father when I was a junior in high school. We had one other issue when we lived in Wales. My mother & I were not getting along, I was 17, & I was confiding in him, I thought. It was someone to talk to about how I felt. He told my mother that he thought I was trying to put a wedge between them. Why would I? She was happy, then.
So, my dad & I don't really talk much. I feel uncomfortable when he comes over like I should be doing something. Kind of like my ex maked me feel. Thanksgiving last year without my mum was up at their old house & I felt uncomfortable. Not just because my mum was not their, but because whenever I sat down I kept hearing the conversation where he said all I ever did when I visited was sit on my butt & why didn't I go outside & play with my kids. (Funny, thought it was cause they were playing & having fun & I was visitng my mum. But he yelled that I didn't visit her enough either.)
Ok, so I wonder why my dad pops in when he sits there. I tell him stuff that he can do nothing about & I don't call people so don't know much. When I showed him photos from our family in Kansas where my sister is staying he doesn't seem interested. Maybe he is & I am misreading, but he didn't comment, so I can't say.
So, he didn't come over for a few weekends (he usually stops by before church). Easter came & went & I was glad in the sense I didn't want to go up to the house & be uncomfortable. Then he popped in suddenly, mid week. I sat at my desk & he was in front of it. He said he hadn't been by in a while & thought he'd stop by. He said he had been busy, he had a girlfriend.
I am afraid my response was to ask if she had four legs or two. He said he wasn't into that kind of thing! I thought maybe he got a pet & that is what I meant. Apparently this lady is someone he has cleaned a chimney for in the past.
There are a few interesting things to note:
1. He told my sister about this at least a week before me.
2. When he told my sister she could move into the house in Dog Canyon he said, "We've discussed it, & decided....." So, he is discussing things with this woman that have nothing to do with her since this was propety he was going to sign over to my sister & I until this fight last July.
3. My cousin in KS asked if I thought he was having an affair as my mum had told her she suspected as much. I told her no. I don't think I was wrong.
4. How long has he been seeing this woman?
5. My mother has been dead 1 year 4 months when said he had this girlfriend & apparently told my sister he was going away for a month in Aug with this woman. How well do you know someone before you go away with them for a month?
6. Why would he ask my sister to come from KS to watch his dogs for this month when I live here? I must be scarier than I though!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Pop stopped by - Aug 30
As I was backing out of the drive, my dad stopped by. He walked over to the car.
"Still mad I see."
I looked away & back saying, "I am hurt."
I don't get it. We only spoke a bit.
I did point out that I wasn't the one that said nasty things.
It came back to the comment about me not caring for mum. (Ever notice it does.) But he didn't seem sorry about it. No hint of being sorry he ever said it.
I asked if he was going to talk to Tess & he asked what he was going to tell her. I said, "Goodbye, I hope."
I left. Apparently, he went to the door, but Tess didn't let him in. Tess thinks he owes me an apology.
"Still mad I see."
I looked away & back saying, "I am hurt."
I don't get it. We only spoke a bit.
I did point out that I wasn't the one that said nasty things.
It came back to the comment about me not caring for mum. (Ever notice it does.) But he didn't seem sorry about it. No hint of being sorry he ever said it.
I asked if he was going to talk to Tess & he asked what he was going to tell her. I said, "Goodbye, I hope."
I left. Apparently, he went to the door, but Tess didn't let him in. Tess thinks he owes me an apology.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Pop Fight #2 - Not done with me yet - 25 Aug 2010
I was sitting at my computer when Pop walked in, like his usual self. "Hi"
I was surprised. "Hi" I said. I pushed my chair back as he grabbed a stool & sat down.
I told him we'd never been in a fight like that in 22 yrs. He said he knew that. I cried so hard I got a migraine & only Jim had ever made me cry that hard.
"Well," is what I got. That he had been mad at Tess. I said so, you took it out on me. He replied that, "..if I took it out on you, I'm sorry." IF!?
He pulled out a list about 2x3 with writing on it. He was going down the list of things he'd been doing so I hadn't seen him enough to be able to tell he was "different".
1. He went to England
2. He returned & was recuperating for a week.
3. He started working on the house up the hill.
4. Then I was in KS
5. He was in Kansas
So, he was pointing out that I had not seen him enough to see a difference in him.
I said that he came here for my birthday. Where he barely spoke. Then Father's Day.
He said he didn't remember Father's Day. I said that was pretty sad. Later he said he felt that Father's Day was just commercial to get your money.
I said it wasn't, that it was to celebrate your father. He said it was commercial to get your money & he had told mother that over & over, but she didn't listen. I said too bad my sister, mom & I didn't see it that way. He disagreed & I said fine we won't worry about it any more.
I pointed out that he popped in to see us & kids & I saw him then.
He went on about how he was tired when he came home & Tonya had fixed him dinner. "How stupid was that? If she had told me when I called from Dallas I would have told her to forget it."
I said she thought it would be nice.
"I was on a 12 hr flight."
I said she cleaned the house and...
"She did?"
I was getting upset.
"Yes, & she thought dinner would be nice." So he complained more about that & I said, "Do you think about things from anyone else's point of view? She was trying to be nice!" He had also yelled at one of the kids in the car (on the way home), I reminded him & we didn't stay long, knowing he'd be tired.
About the house: He said he was letting "me" move out there to help out so we'd have a roof over our head etc. (I have a rental I am in.)
I told him he hadn't told Tonya @ mum. He said, "What about her?"
"You haven't told us about taking her ashes etc."
He said, "I have the booklet & photos."
"But you never showed us."
"You all haven't come out."
"We don't feel welcome."
"I don't know why."
"We just don't."
I said he hadn't even asked @ Ian when I said he was hurt.
"I was wondering."
"But you didn't ask."
"I hurt my leg a lot & I am usually ok. So, what did he do?"
I told him. He never asked how Faith was doing or Connor.
Something else was said & I said, "I know you just think I sit on my butt all day & do nothing." I looked at him & he said,
"You said it, not me."
By this time I was really upset.
"I don't need you here to slap me around. I can call my ex for that. He thinks I am a crappy mother & don't raise my kids right either."
"Ookay." He spread his hands.
"It was bad enough you said I didn't care @ my mother." I got up to walk out of the room. I turned back & said, "And you can do what you like with mother & your property."
I walked into Tess' room, sat down & cried. Nikki came & took care of me.
I expected him to leave as I was in there a while, but when I walked out he was still sitting on the stool. So, I went to Ian's room & grabbed his sheets. I came out & said angrily, "She's leaving you know." (Tess)
"Is she?"
"She's packing up & leaving."
I went back into Tess' room to do the laundry; went outside & back out & he was still sitting there. So, I walked out the front door & walked down to Kerry's. At some point, he left.
I also wrote A Brenda who was diplomatic & said he had called her & sounded like he had tears in his voice. I have those e-mails, but it also showed he is telling everyone different things.
Tess & I tried talking to U Jerry who thought we were reading too much into it. He said Pop is being who he is, but without mom. Well, if this is him without mom, then I don't want to be around him.
U Jerry said dad was coming to get him so U Jerry could drive one of the vans to pop's house. I was out spraying weeds & grass when they came. U Jerry teased that I missed a spot. Pop got out & I didn't think he'd talk, but he said, "Morning." I simply said, "Hi."
I am hurt & confused by it all. I rewrote Aunt Brenda & told her our side of it.
I don't know what to do. Right now, I simply don't want to talk to him or see him. His birthday is the 12th & I don't know what to do @ that either. It will be the first birthday Connor has without him Gpa.
I was surprised. "Hi" I said. I pushed my chair back as he grabbed a stool & sat down.
I told him we'd never been in a fight like that in 22 yrs. He said he knew that. I cried so hard I got a migraine & only Jim had ever made me cry that hard.
"Well," is what I got. That he had been mad at Tess. I said so, you took it out on me. He replied that, "..if I took it out on you, I'm sorry." IF!?
He pulled out a list about 2x3 with writing on it. He was going down the list of things he'd been doing so I hadn't seen him enough to be able to tell he was "different".
1. He went to England
2. He returned & was recuperating for a week.
3. He started working on the house up the hill.
4. Then I was in KS
5. He was in Kansas
So, he was pointing out that I had not seen him enough to see a difference in him.
I said that he came here for my birthday. Where he barely spoke. Then Father's Day.
He said he didn't remember Father's Day. I said that was pretty sad. Later he said he felt that Father's Day was just commercial to get your money.
I said it wasn't, that it was to celebrate your father. He said it was commercial to get your money & he had told mother that over & over, but she didn't listen. I said too bad my sister, mom & I didn't see it that way. He disagreed & I said fine we won't worry about it any more.
I pointed out that he popped in to see us & kids & I saw him then.
He went on about how he was tired when he came home & Tonya had fixed him dinner. "How stupid was that? If she had told me when I called from Dallas I would have told her to forget it."
I said she thought it would be nice.
"I was on a 12 hr flight."
I said she cleaned the house and...
"She did?"
I was getting upset.
"Yes, & she thought dinner would be nice." So he complained more about that & I said, "Do you think about things from anyone else's point of view? She was trying to be nice!" He had also yelled at one of the kids in the car (on the way home), I reminded him & we didn't stay long, knowing he'd be tired.
About the house: He said he was letting "me" move out there to help out so we'd have a roof over our head etc. (I have a rental I am in.)
I told him he hadn't told Tonya @ mum. He said, "What about her?"
"You haven't told us about taking her ashes etc."
He said, "I have the booklet & photos."
"But you never showed us."
"You all haven't come out."
"We don't feel welcome."
"I don't know why."
"We just don't."
I said he hadn't even asked @ Ian when I said he was hurt.
"I was wondering."
"But you didn't ask."
"I hurt my leg a lot & I am usually ok. So, what did he do?"
I told him. He never asked how Faith was doing or Connor.
Something else was said & I said, "I know you just think I sit on my butt all day & do nothing." I looked at him & he said,
"You said it, not me."
By this time I was really upset.
"I don't need you here to slap me around. I can call my ex for that. He thinks I am a crappy mother & don't raise my kids right either."
"Ookay." He spread his hands.
"It was bad enough you said I didn't care @ my mother." I got up to walk out of the room. I turned back & said, "And you can do what you like with mother & your property."
I walked into Tess' room, sat down & cried. Nikki came & took care of me.
I expected him to leave as I was in there a while, but when I walked out he was still sitting on the stool. So, I went to Ian's room & grabbed his sheets. I came out & said angrily, "She's leaving you know." (Tess)
"Is she?"
"She's packing up & leaving."
I went back into Tess' room to do the laundry; went outside & back out & he was still sitting there. So, I walked out the front door & walked down to Kerry's. At some point, he left.
I also wrote A Brenda who was diplomatic & said he had called her & sounded like he had tears in his voice. I have those e-mails, but it also showed he is telling everyone different things.
Tess & I tried talking to U Jerry who thought we were reading too much into it. He said Pop is being who he is, but without mom. Well, if this is him without mom, then I don't want to be around him.
U Jerry said dad was coming to get him so U Jerry could drive one of the vans to pop's house. I was out spraying weeds & grass when they came. U Jerry teased that I missed a spot. Pop got out & I didn't think he'd talk, but he said, "Morning." I simply said, "Hi."
I am hurt & confused by it all. I rewrote Aunt Brenda & told her our side of it.
I don't know what to do. Right now, I simply don't want to talk to him or see him. His birthday is the 12th & I don't know what to do @ that either. It will be the first birthday Connor has without him Gpa.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Fight with Pop - 24 Aug 2010
I was sitting down eating before I had to go pick up the kids. My dad walked in. Like I always do I said,
"Hi, Pop. How you doing?"
"I want the keys to the van."
"I don't know where they are. She's asleep."
"I want the keys."
"We were going to return the van. After her apt tomorrow."
"Can you take her to her apt tomorrow?"
"No, I have to pick up Ian. I have to take Ian to school & pick him up because he got hurt. Her apt is at 1 pm & I don't know how long she will take & I have to pick up Ian because he got hurt."
"Well she's not borrowing the car again. If she wants a lift she can call me."
"Why are you being like this?"
"Like what?"
"This." My arms outstretched.
"Do you know the last time she called me?"
"No."
"Two weeks ago, before she left. Well, she text me at 2 am to tell me she got there."
"Well, you left a not so nice message on her phone."
"That's right. That's right. After Maggie called me & told me what was going on. I went to call Jerry & he said Tonya had already called him."
"She didn't call him, I did."
"He said Tonya called him."
"Well, she called Maggie. Maggie said she would call you & Tonya said ok. Then she got the message from you."
"And you didn't even come in when you came & got the cat."
"I went to get the darn thing. I was looking everywhere for it. It wasn't under the porch. I was mad because you didn't believe me."
"Believe you about what?"
"That I saw the cat in video with the dogs. The cat was in a picture with Tea."
"Well, yeah, if it is still, but the moment the cat moves she is after it! All three of them were after her under the ramp. I pulled the side off & she had been clawing & was all muddy. She ran in the house, got a drink, & got mud all over the damned house! Then she was out on the dog house clawing at the dogs."
"Well, what was I supposed to do about it? I have enough in my house to take care of!"
"Well, what was I supposed to do?"
"Just leave it."
"Well I wasn't going to put up with it any more; it had been going on for 5 hrs. It was that or shoot the damn thing."
"And you didn't call her about the cat."
"Why? Was she going to come home & get it?"
"No, but it is her cat."
" I know it was her cat. And that is something I blame you for. I think you instigated that."
"What?"
"Her bringing out the cats."
"No, I didn't. She just figured since she was moving out there she would bring some out. The only thing I asked was that she move out there sooner."
"Well, that won't be happening now."
"Oh, so you are mad & so you aren't going to let us move out there now."
"Not unless you two have an attitude change."
"Why are you being like this?"
"Like what? Tell me. Tell me."
"Just different."
"I am not the one being different."
"Yes you have. You sat right there & I told you that you were different when you came back from England."
"I know you did, but you didn't say how."
"You just have. You barely spoke at my birthday. Father's day we didn't know if you liked anything."
"You don't tell me these things."
"We don't know what to say or do. I just asked Tess what to do @ your birthday because we don't even know if you liked anything. Everyone says your different Tam, Kim, Maggie have said something is different."
"Well, I don't know how Kim could know I saw her about 5 min. When was the last time I saw her?"
"Sept when you were in KS."
"Exactly."
"Did you know mom wasn't very happy on that trip?"
"How do you know that?"
"We talked when we were outside. You were all looking at the house."
"That isn't what she told me."
"Well, she told me."
"Well, I can only go on what she told me."
"Well you haven't been in to see us."
"Why should I?"
"You haven't invited us out since you got back."
"No! No! And I'm not going to. Why should I? (Angry) You can come out any time, just let me know."
"You haven't said anything about the kids coming out."
"When did they ask?"
"Connor asked the last time he saw you."
"Who did he ask?"
"Me, but you didn't say maybe I can talk to your mom & you can come out."
"I don't know why you want to come out anyway, you never do anything but sit there. Why don't you go outside & play with your kids?"
"You have NO idea what I do with my kids. You have no idea what I go through!"
"No, because you never tell me. You hardly ever came out to see your mother anyway. I wonder if you even cared about her."
"I talked to my mother every week. I talked to her about the genealogy when I found something new & she would get excited about it. I understand you lived with mom a long time & that is hard, but we lost her too. She is our mother. Never once have you asked me how I am doing with her loss. Not once."
I looked at my watch. It was 5 until 3 pm & I was crying so hard.
"I have to go get Ian now."
"You can tell her if she wants a ride to call me."
"Why don't you tell her! Why do I have to tell her?!"
"Is she asleep?"
I walked into Tess room where she was happily sleeping & I was sobbing!
Tess asked what was wrong & I told her Pop was taking the van. She said, "So let him."
"I know, but I have to get Ian & Faith."
(Tess) "I'll get Faith, you go get Ian."
I walked out of the house with Pop following.
Not sure how the outside talk started, but I said, so you are going to punish us by not letting us move into the house.
He made some comment that Tess had left a mess in the kitchen & the only thing she told him was a note @ the cat. I pointed out again that he saw her before she left for KS.
Again it came up that I said he never asked me @ mother, so not sure. At this point I was so upset I can't remember it straight, at least not now. Tess came out, pushed me towards my car & said, "Go get Ian." She walked to go get Faith.
I cried until Faith's apt at 3:30 pm.
"Hi, Pop. How you doing?"
"I want the keys to the van."
"I don't know where they are. She's asleep."
"I want the keys."
"We were going to return the van. After her apt tomorrow."
"Can you take her to her apt tomorrow?"
"No, I have to pick up Ian. I have to take Ian to school & pick him up because he got hurt. Her apt is at 1 pm & I don't know how long she will take & I have to pick up Ian because he got hurt."
"Well she's not borrowing the car again. If she wants a lift she can call me."
"Why are you being like this?"
"Like what?"
"This." My arms outstretched.
"Do you know the last time she called me?"
"No."
"Two weeks ago, before she left. Well, she text me at 2 am to tell me she got there."
"Well, you left a not so nice message on her phone."
"That's right. That's right. After Maggie called me & told me what was going on. I went to call Jerry & he said Tonya had already called him."
"She didn't call him, I did."
"He said Tonya called him."
"Well, she called Maggie. Maggie said she would call you & Tonya said ok. Then she got the message from you."
"And you didn't even come in when you came & got the cat."
"I went to get the darn thing. I was looking everywhere for it. It wasn't under the porch. I was mad because you didn't believe me."
"Believe you about what?"
"That I saw the cat in video with the dogs. The cat was in a picture with Tea."
"Well, yeah, if it is still, but the moment the cat moves she is after it! All three of them were after her under the ramp. I pulled the side off & she had been clawing & was all muddy. She ran in the house, got a drink, & got mud all over the damned house! Then she was out on the dog house clawing at the dogs."
"Well, what was I supposed to do about it? I have enough in my house to take care of!"
"Well, what was I supposed to do?"
"Just leave it."
"Well I wasn't going to put up with it any more; it had been going on for 5 hrs. It was that or shoot the damn thing."
"And you didn't call her about the cat."
"Why? Was she going to come home & get it?"
"No, but it is her cat."
" I know it was her cat. And that is something I blame you for. I think you instigated that."
"What?"
"Her bringing out the cats."
"No, I didn't. She just figured since she was moving out there she would bring some out. The only thing I asked was that she move out there sooner."
"Well, that won't be happening now."
"Oh, so you are mad & so you aren't going to let us move out there now."
"Not unless you two have an attitude change."
"Why are you being like this?"
"Like what? Tell me. Tell me."
"Just different."
"I am not the one being different."
"Yes you have. You sat right there & I told you that you were different when you came back from England."
"I know you did, but you didn't say how."
"You just have. You barely spoke at my birthday. Father's day we didn't know if you liked anything."
"You don't tell me these things."
"We don't know what to say or do. I just asked Tess what to do @ your birthday because we don't even know if you liked anything. Everyone says your different Tam, Kim, Maggie have said something is different."
"Well, I don't know how Kim could know I saw her about 5 min. When was the last time I saw her?"
"Sept when you were in KS."
"Exactly."
"Did you know mom wasn't very happy on that trip?"
"How do you know that?"
"We talked when we were outside. You were all looking at the house."
"That isn't what she told me."
"Well, she told me."
"Well, I can only go on what she told me."
"Well you haven't been in to see us."
"Why should I?"
"You haven't invited us out since you got back."
"No! No! And I'm not going to. Why should I? (Angry) You can come out any time, just let me know."
"You haven't said anything about the kids coming out."
"When did they ask?"
"Connor asked the last time he saw you."
"Who did he ask?"
"Me, but you didn't say maybe I can talk to your mom & you can come out."
"I don't know why you want to come out anyway, you never do anything but sit there. Why don't you go outside & play with your kids?"
"You have NO idea what I do with my kids. You have no idea what I go through!"
"No, because you never tell me. You hardly ever came out to see your mother anyway. I wonder if you even cared about her."
"I talked to my mother every week. I talked to her about the genealogy when I found something new & she would get excited about it. I understand you lived with mom a long time & that is hard, but we lost her too. She is our mother. Never once have you asked me how I am doing with her loss. Not once."
I looked at my watch. It was 5 until 3 pm & I was crying so hard.
"I have to go get Ian now."
"You can tell her if she wants a ride to call me."
"Why don't you tell her! Why do I have to tell her?!"
"Is she asleep?"
I walked into Tess room where she was happily sleeping & I was sobbing!
Tess asked what was wrong & I told her Pop was taking the van. She said, "So let him."
"I know, but I have to get Ian & Faith."
(Tess) "I'll get Faith, you go get Ian."
I walked out of the house with Pop following.
Not sure how the outside talk started, but I said, so you are going to punish us by not letting us move into the house.
He made some comment that Tess had left a mess in the kitchen & the only thing she told him was a note @ the cat. I pointed out again that he saw her before she left for KS.
Again it came up that I said he never asked me @ mother, so not sure. At this point I was so upset I can't remember it straight, at least not now. Tess came out, pushed me towards my car & said, "Go get Ian." She walked to go get Faith.
I cried until Faith's apt at 3:30 pm.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Everything gone wrong.. 7 Aug 2010
Did you ever have one of those days when everything went wrong?
I had a cat mess first thing this morning. One of my cats (the smallest) got in with my sister's cats & they scared the * out of her. Really. After that I had to give her a bath. Then I argued with my dad over a cat under his porch (my sisters) & his dogs that "were going to hurt it" (Despite video of them playing when he was gone!) After that, Faith & I had to go to Dog Canyon to find the cat & bring it back. (My father never appeared.) I looked all over for the cat which was outside the yard in a shed & not under the porch!
I got lunch on the way home. My oldest is banned from the computer as he put a toolbar on Ian's computer that was NOT child related! AUGH!
A kid my son Ian calls a friend was outside trying to pit one of the boys against another & two other boys were hiding. I am not sure what may have gone on, but since I was around the corner listening, not much!
I picked up my cell to see the sticky note that Ian had counseling at 9 am this morning! This was after 1 pm.
One of the mustard dips for the chicken nuggets fell on the floor & I rocked over it with my rocking chair. Now there is dark yellow on the carpet.
So, here I am, trying not to move much & awaiting the next folly! :)
I had a cat mess first thing this morning. One of my cats (the smallest) got in with my sister's cats & they scared the * out of her. Really. After that I had to give her a bath. Then I argued with my dad over a cat under his porch (my sisters) & his dogs that "were going to hurt it" (Despite video of them playing when he was gone!) After that, Faith & I had to go to Dog Canyon to find the cat & bring it back. (My father never appeared.) I looked all over for the cat which was outside the yard in a shed & not under the porch!
I got lunch on the way home. My oldest is banned from the computer as he put a toolbar on Ian's computer that was NOT child related! AUGH!
A kid my son Ian calls a friend was outside trying to pit one of the boys against another & two other boys were hiding. I am not sure what may have gone on, but since I was around the corner listening, not much!
I picked up my cell to see the sticky note that Ian had counseling at 9 am this morning! This was after 1 pm.
One of the mustard dips for the chicken nuggets fell on the floor & I rocked over it with my rocking chair. Now there is dark yellow on the carpet.
So, here I am, trying not to move much & awaiting the next folly! :)
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