Brother of the Illness - 1 May 2006

BP - Brother of the Illness

Monday, May 01, 2006       2:33 PM

Connor's medications are the same.

Ian had a .5 increase in Risperdal and added is the Dextroamphetamine (which seems to be helping with his reading). J

They had talked to their dad off and on. Mostly by telephone. Ian talks to his dad the most and Faith.

We've had a bit of trouble with the boys and the "I wants". We had a time out in class last week and talked about how much money mommy has to pay out every month. It helped a bit and was one big  math problem!

Connor, although better, is still blaming Ian whenever he gets into trouble. Ian is having a problem with tattling. It is causing problems with Connor. Connor thinks Ian tattles because he hates him. Many times he is trying to keep Connor from hurting himself or stay out of trouble, but even then Connor is hateful and I am trying to get Ian to quit the tattling.

Connor lost his building privileges. He took apart one of our printers!  I love his imagination, but he uses things without permission and doesn't seem to understand why he gets into trouble.

Ian seems to be having a thing going where he is trying to get me to talk to his dad and tell him I love him. I think he is trying to match make.

We are doing well. Neither feels the best today, but they are doing well in school & I am very glad. The biggest issue I have is having disrespect for me as their mother & our home. Trying to keep in mind their ages, I can't seem to get them to pick up after themselves.

Cycling - Connor January 22, 2006

Connor is a pill. He got hurt by accident when Ian moved a box like I asked them to, and he went off. I'd say it is cycling week since his father started his last night as well. So, he screams and blames Ian. Then he writes a note and puts it on his door. "My family doesn't care about me. All they care about is the brat Ian". Poor Ian. Always getting blamed. It is never Connor's fault.

Jim came back with a bookshelf and another recliner from Tullie for the house. I would like to rip his head off some days! Another bill. Ugh.

Jim was taking the boys bowling, but Connor and Ian started in on each other again with Connor screaming, calling Ian selfish, and blaming everything on Ian again. I made Connor stay home. He screamed more &I shut the door to his room. He kicked or hit it. Yelling how he hated the family. Cycling time! 

I picked up a bit. Not really enthused to do a lot. Faith is watching Dragon Tales & Connor is eating a pork chop. I think I'll go take a shower.
5:26 PM

Jim & Ian came home. Connor read a book and did some dishes to earn points. Nothing spectacular going on. I am tired and bored. I keep eating and I am not hungry.
Faith keeps screeching or screaming. It is driving me nuts!

Failure vs Reality August 29, 2005

Some times I think if I raised the boys right they would act better; be more respectful; act right.

The logic in me can say the reasons they cannot be all these things, but I feel like a failure. I worry about the boys growing up and I am afraid, frankly, that bad things will happen. I don't want them to. I want them to have a nice life. I want them to be happy.

I guess I never realized I felt like a failure as a mother. I know I don't always feel this way, but when I am worn out.... Can I keep up what I do? I feel there is something wrong with me. Is there?

I've been emotional today. The whole week, but today seemed the worse. I don't know if it is PMS or what. I am like a roller coaster, even now.