Showing posts with label Ex Jim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ex Jim. Show all posts
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Text from the Ex - Jeckle or Hyde?
Jim: Happy Mother's Day Sonya...Thank you for our beautiful children. I hope all is well with you on your day...Tell the kids hello from me.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
My Evidence - 21 April 2011
I don't know what makes people just be rude, but every other month or so my ex gets on his high horse & texts me. It is because he is like this I refuse to answer his calls. Here is a conversation we just had. These are the actual texts from my phone.
Jim: Would you please call me when you are able to. I would also like to talk to Ian & Faith if she will talk to me. Thank you. 9:06 AM
Me: What do you want? She gets home @ 3:20. (It may seem rude, but the only reason he texts is to cause trouble or borrow money.)
Jim: Why will you not talk to me? Is Ian home? Why do you keep things from me about our children? I don't care what you do with your life. I do care about our children & like to be in the loop. 9:14 AM
Me: Then you should call them. They are only your children when you can be bothered. I asked Ian when he talked to you last.....
Jim: You know I find some things strange about you. You don't share any information about the kids or keep me informed. Why is Ian not in school? He will not tall me why? You sent my Dad emails slaming him on his views about Muslims and Gays. Would you have the same opinion if our daughter married a Muslim and was treated like a piece of property and abused with no rights as a women and does your religion condone violance againts other christians who do not believe the same as you. Our freedom of religion beliefs is and will destroy and will destroy this country and christianity will become a outlawed religion someday because of Muslims. By the way have you been though an airport checkpoint lately? Even little old ladies and kids are heavly screened because of the actions of Muslim and their hate for us. Open your eyes. Also would you have the same christian view on gays if you weren't bisexual yourself? I know you dislike me. But you don't have to have a power trip and think you are better then anyone else. I want to be informed about our children. 9:33 AM
Me: You are so full of yourself. I believe passing judgement is God's job not mine. How many Muslims do you know? Don't think you should preach on how to treat a woman in a marriage do you? Anyone can be a terrorist. Visited Ireland lately? Don't like religous freedom leave MY country. May want to ck the Constitution of the US. Not bisexual but if anyone cld turn one it wld be spending so many yrs with you!
Jim: I will not be in the state and I did not make you bi..you made that choice and I do believe in freedom of religion in my country however people like you who dont see the perils of such beliefs and see the hate that muslims have toward us. There will never be peace in the world as long as there is Islam. Also why do now believers effect how we beleive in God and they push their views and opinions on us and keep God from being the foundation of this country. Freedom of Religion was to worship and to acknowledge God on term of your chooseing. Not to take God out of society like so many people have. You can accuse me of all sorts of things and you have a warped sense of selfrightousness about yourself. YOU PROVE IT EVERYTIME YOU DONT TALK TO ME ON THE PHONE OR KEEP THINGS TO YOURSELF LIKE YOU ARE BETTER THEN ME.
Me: And are you the one Connor is getting in trouble for saying anti type things in his school?
Jim: no Connor and I do not discuss such things. He has formed his own opinion with no help from me. 10:07 AM
Me: Why is it more important to say things to me than just calling your kids? I don't get it. You don't upset me any more Jim. So you may as well not bother.
Jim: Well I didnt push my views on him nor do I share everything that has to do with adult subject matter that childern dont undertsand or comprehend like you like to do.
10:13 AM
Me: My boys are 14 & 13. They learn from school & tv. Id rather them ask me than reproduce when they shldnt or hurt ppl when they have no right.
Jim: I am not trying to upset you. I just dont understand your reasoning. You know that you make excuses for Ian and his actions and he is uncontrolable because you have never really held him accountable. 10:15 AM
Me: What are you on about? Ian is doing well. He is almost off all his meds since Connor is gone. He has been playing bball & losing weight. He does chores. And you don't upset me. -You do this once every other mo or so & frankly you make me laugh. You don't want the kids so it makes you feel better to put me down. Go ahead.
Jim: I try to call but you all dont answer the phone. They also dont make an atempted to ever call me. Only Connor calls me and I really enjoy hearing from him. He sounds really good and happy. Not down or depressed. Happy and go lucky. 10:19 AM
Me: Yeah because he lives in lala land. He tells me all is fine too but if it was he wld be home. It is not their job to call you & they don't want to. Ian is at the age where his bb games are more important.
Jim: why is he not in school? He is so far behind. 10:22 AM
Me: How do you know where he is in school? He is home schooled. He is doing great & very proud of himself.
Jim: Good to know. I just saw the frustration and stuborness and lack of respect for rules and the inability not to be able to read and the frustration that came with that. I also seen an angry young man who would not listen to reason and would run off and act up. Our sons do not like to be held accountable for their actions. do you have some what of control over him. Or does he do what he wants when he wants? 10:29 AM
Me: When did they have you to show then responsibility? When did you sit & help them read? When did you show then eating out, sleeping all day, & begging money fromothers wasn't responsible? Where is your self control? My sons are growing up with disabilities what's your excuse? Don't talk to me @ them when you did nothing but leave, return them, & put yourself first.
Jim: Have a nice day...Thanks for texting me back. Take care of your self and the kids. Good luck with getting your vehicle fixed. 10:33 AM
Jim: you know thats funny when you make all the money you do and you waste it on frivouls things and borrow from people yourself. You dont know how to manage money either. Why is it everytime I come down there. The kids are in too small of clothes or they have old ratty shoes and need me to buy them clothes that fit. You blame me for your problems. You created them yourself. You marched to the beat of a different drum unlike anyone else on earth. Highly visible Tattoos are not attractive on a women of selfrespect. You make things up as you go to suit yourself and your views. You are not normal and I am not at fault for your actions. You blame me for your lifestyle. You choose to be the way you are and its your life to do that. However dont cloud the minds of our children with your way of thinking. There is no help for you or changing you. You are who you are by your choice. I tried to fit into your lah lah land but butted heads with you and was unable to stand you or understand you for that matter. You are even more screwy then me. 10:51 AM
Me: Luckily noone that knows me & my kids agree with you. My kids' money goes for them. They do not have things that do not fit hence Ians new size 13 shoes all 4 pairs. I know what your closet is like. My kids love my tattoos & you have them so how can you comment. I don't care what you think of me. You are mean hurtful prejudice & judgemental. I am so glad they are nothing like you!
Me: I haven't borrowed money from my parents even for moving. You can't say that. You can't even visit your kids. you want to know why they don't call you? Look in the mirror!
Jim: yeah Hiletr surround himself with 10:57 AM
Me: They deserve the money since they have no real father!
Jim: yeah Hilter surround himself with people that thought the way he did and killed or externinated those who didnt.. I am a caring kind genorous person that has an open mind. Every one who knows you outside your little circle knows your off your rocker. even Tony says there is no reasoning with you. 11:01 AM
Me: Glad I am not a Muslim with all that kindness. You contradict yourself. Using my dad doesn't wk either. But keep it up. Perhaps you need some history lessons too.
Jim: oh you make sure that I have nothing to do with our children and know nothing about them. You are the selfish one. They get there goodness from me. You are the one that is not nice. You prove it alot by your actions. 11:03 AM
[CB]7123012295
Me: I feel sorry for you that this is all you do with you time besides taking from your parents eating & sleeping. It is not I that am ruining your relationship with the children but you. Sad.
Jim: They have no real father because you have them so screwed up that no one can handle them or stand to be around you.
Me: No they don't because they never had one & they do have a great influence in their life & he has never once put me down.
Jim: he doesnt know the real you..By the way you were kick out of the Navy because of your views and being unable to conform to set standards 11:09 AM
Me: No I wasn't. You don't get an honorable discharge being kicked out. You are a sad person. Perhaps you aught to worry @ you instead of others. You can't seem to handle that.
Okay, so now my son knows about the above texts. Ian called his dad. He told him the things he said to his mom weren't nice. He tried asking his dad a few things like where he was going on the weekend when he couldn't visit him.
Jim said Dick (his mother's husband) is paying. Ian asked again if he was paying any & this time Jim said he was paying some. (Story change.) He asked if fishing was more important than coming to see him & Jim kept skipping over the question. In the end, Ian got upset, called his dad a name I wasn't expecting & hung up. Jim then text this to me.
Jim: you know that Ian had no right to see those messeges as that was adult material between you and I and he can not comprehend how fucked up you are. He is blind to the truth and will always see your way and your beliefs. There is no help for him. You are warped and should be sharing such information with kids. Your parenting skills are in question. Your of your mind and dont even know it. How dare you let a child talk to an adult like that and call me names. Sonya everyone outside your circle knows the truth about you. 12:00 PM
Me: Yes & my attorney loves these text messages. Oh by the way...if the name fits.....
Ian took my phone: Hi it is me ian you are a jack ass and get a life you mother fucker
OOP! I about died! You can't condone that!
Jim: why would you need a lawyer? They say nothing but the truth and if you wernt kick out of the Navy why did you not serve your full term or be let back in when you tried. 12:04 PM
Me: I know one & he keeps things for me. As for your son he is 5'8 & takes the phone!
There were actually a few more texts threatening me legally. I don't know why. He doesn't want the kids they are too much trouble. Don't know that they would go to him anyway for long. Maybe his girlfriend dumped him again, I have no clue!
Well, he just text that "Maybe our kids would turn out normal without your influence". Guess that answers that. Wonder what all the x-rays, medications, abnormal EEG's, below average IQ, psychiatrist, psychologists, special ed classes, speech therapy, etc mean.....Silly me!
Jim: Would you please call me when you are able to. I would also like to talk to Ian & Faith if she will talk to me. Thank you. 9:06 AM
Me: What do you want? She gets home @ 3:20. (It may seem rude, but the only reason he texts is to cause trouble or borrow money.)
Jim: Why will you not talk to me? Is Ian home? Why do you keep things from me about our children? I don't care what you do with your life. I do care about our children & like to be in the loop. 9:14 AM
Me: Then you should call them. They are only your children when you can be bothered. I asked Ian when he talked to you last.....
Jim: You know I find some things strange about you. You don't share any information about the kids or keep me informed. Why is Ian not in school? He will not tall me why? You sent my Dad emails slaming him on his views about Muslims and Gays. Would you have the same opinion if our daughter married a Muslim and was treated like a piece of property and abused with no rights as a women and does your religion condone violance againts other christians who do not believe the same as you. Our freedom of religion beliefs is and will destroy and will destroy this country and christianity will become a outlawed religion someday because of Muslims. By the way have you been though an airport checkpoint lately? Even little old ladies and kids are heavly screened because of the actions of Muslim and their hate for us. Open your eyes. Also would you have the same christian view on gays if you weren't bisexual yourself? I know you dislike me. But you don't have to have a power trip and think you are better then anyone else. I want to be informed about our children. 9:33 AM
Me: You are so full of yourself. I believe passing judgement is God's job not mine. How many Muslims do you know? Don't think you should preach on how to treat a woman in a marriage do you? Anyone can be a terrorist. Visited Ireland lately? Don't like religous freedom leave MY country. May want to ck the Constitution of the US. Not bisexual but if anyone cld turn one it wld be spending so many yrs with you!
Jim: I will not be in the state and I did not make you bi..you made that choice and I do believe in freedom of religion in my country however people like you who dont see the perils of such beliefs and see the hate that muslims have toward us. There will never be peace in the world as long as there is Islam. Also why do now believers effect how we beleive in God and they push their views and opinions on us and keep God from being the foundation of this country. Freedom of Religion was to worship and to acknowledge God on term of your chooseing. Not to take God out of society like so many people have. You can accuse me of all sorts of things and you have a warped sense of selfrightousness about yourself. YOU PROVE IT EVERYTIME YOU DONT TALK TO ME ON THE PHONE OR KEEP THINGS TO YOURSELF LIKE YOU ARE BETTER THEN ME.
Me: And are you the one Connor is getting in trouble for saying anti type things in his school?
Jim: no Connor and I do not discuss such things. He has formed his own opinion with no help from me. 10:07 AM
Me: Why is it more important to say things to me than just calling your kids? I don't get it. You don't upset me any more Jim. So you may as well not bother.
Jim: Well I didnt push my views on him nor do I share everything that has to do with adult subject matter that childern dont undertsand or comprehend like you like to do.
10:13 AM
Me: My boys are 14 & 13. They learn from school & tv. Id rather them ask me than reproduce when they shldnt or hurt ppl when they have no right.
Jim: I am not trying to upset you. I just dont understand your reasoning. You know that you make excuses for Ian and his actions and he is uncontrolable because you have never really held him accountable. 10:15 AM
Me: What are you on about? Ian is doing well. He is almost off all his meds since Connor is gone. He has been playing bball & losing weight. He does chores. And you don't upset me. -You do this once every other mo or so & frankly you make me laugh. You don't want the kids so it makes you feel better to put me down. Go ahead.
Jim: I try to call but you all dont answer the phone. They also dont make an atempted to ever call me. Only Connor calls me and I really enjoy hearing from him. He sounds really good and happy. Not down or depressed. Happy and go lucky. 10:19 AM
Me: Yeah because he lives in lala land. He tells me all is fine too but if it was he wld be home. It is not their job to call you & they don't want to. Ian is at the age where his bb games are more important.
Jim: why is he not in school? He is so far behind. 10:22 AM
Me: How do you know where he is in school? He is home schooled. He is doing great & very proud of himself.
Jim: Good to know. I just saw the frustration and stuborness and lack of respect for rules and the inability not to be able to read and the frustration that came with that. I also seen an angry young man who would not listen to reason and would run off and act up. Our sons do not like to be held accountable for their actions. do you have some what of control over him. Or does he do what he wants when he wants? 10:29 AM
Me: When did they have you to show then responsibility? When did you sit & help them read? When did you show then eating out, sleeping all day, & begging money fromothers wasn't responsible? Where is your self control? My sons are growing up with disabilities what's your excuse? Don't talk to me @ them when you did nothing but leave, return them, & put yourself first.
Jim: Have a nice day...Thanks for texting me back. Take care of your self and the kids. Good luck with getting your vehicle fixed. 10:33 AM
Jim: you know thats funny when you make all the money you do and you waste it on frivouls things and borrow from people yourself. You dont know how to manage money either. Why is it everytime I come down there. The kids are in too small of clothes or they have old ratty shoes and need me to buy them clothes that fit. You blame me for your problems. You created them yourself. You marched to the beat of a different drum unlike anyone else on earth. Highly visible Tattoos are not attractive on a women of selfrespect. You make things up as you go to suit yourself and your views. You are not normal and I am not at fault for your actions. You blame me for your lifestyle. You choose to be the way you are and its your life to do that. However dont cloud the minds of our children with your way of thinking. There is no help for you or changing you. You are who you are by your choice. I tried to fit into your lah lah land but butted heads with you and was unable to stand you or understand you for that matter. You are even more screwy then me. 10:51 AM
Me: Luckily noone that knows me & my kids agree with you. My kids' money goes for them. They do not have things that do not fit hence Ians new size 13 shoes all 4 pairs. I know what your closet is like. My kids love my tattoos & you have them so how can you comment. I don't care what you think of me. You are mean hurtful prejudice & judgemental. I am so glad they are nothing like you!
Me: I haven't borrowed money from my parents even for moving. You can't say that. You can't even visit your kids. you want to know why they don't call you? Look in the mirror!
Jim: yeah Hiletr surround himself with 10:57 AM
Me: They deserve the money since they have no real father!
Jim: yeah Hilter surround himself with people that thought the way he did and killed or externinated those who didnt.. I am a caring kind genorous person that has an open mind. Every one who knows you outside your little circle knows your off your rocker. even Tony says there is no reasoning with you. 11:01 AM
Me: Glad I am not a Muslim with all that kindness. You contradict yourself. Using my dad doesn't wk either. But keep it up. Perhaps you need some history lessons too.
Jim: oh you make sure that I have nothing to do with our children and know nothing about them. You are the selfish one. They get there goodness from me. You are the one that is not nice. You prove it alot by your actions. 11:03 AM
[CB]7123012295
Me: I feel sorry for you that this is all you do with you time besides taking from your parents eating & sleeping. It is not I that am ruining your relationship with the children but you. Sad.
Jim: They have no real father because you have them so screwed up that no one can handle them or stand to be around you.
Me: No they don't because they never had one & they do have a great influence in their life & he has never once put me down.
Jim: he doesnt know the real you..By the way you were kick out of the Navy because of your views and being unable to conform to set standards 11:09 AM
Me: No I wasn't. You don't get an honorable discharge being kicked out. You are a sad person. Perhaps you aught to worry @ you instead of others. You can't seem to handle that.
Okay, so now my son knows about the above texts. Ian called his dad. He told him the things he said to his mom weren't nice. He tried asking his dad a few things like where he was going on the weekend when he couldn't visit him.
Jim said Dick (his mother's husband) is paying. Ian asked again if he was paying any & this time Jim said he was paying some. (Story change.) He asked if fishing was more important than coming to see him & Jim kept skipping over the question. In the end, Ian got upset, called his dad a name I wasn't expecting & hung up. Jim then text this to me.
Jim: you know that Ian had no right to see those messeges as that was adult material between you and I and he can not comprehend how fucked up you are. He is blind to the truth and will always see your way and your beliefs. There is no help for him. You are warped and should be sharing such information with kids. Your parenting skills are in question. Your of your mind and dont even know it. How dare you let a child talk to an adult like that and call me names. Sonya everyone outside your circle knows the truth about you. 12:00 PM
Me: Yes & my attorney loves these text messages. Oh by the way...if the name fits.....
Ian took my phone: Hi it is me ian you are a jack ass and get a life you mother fucker
OOP! I about died! You can't condone that!
Jim: why would you need a lawyer? They say nothing but the truth and if you wernt kick out of the Navy why did you not serve your full term or be let back in when you tried. 12:04 PM
Me: I know one & he keeps things for me. As for your son he is 5'8 & takes the phone!
There were actually a few more texts threatening me legally. I don't know why. He doesn't want the kids they are too much trouble. Don't know that they would go to him anyway for long. Maybe his girlfriend dumped him again, I have no clue!
Well, he just text that "Maybe our kids would turn out normal without your influence". Guess that answers that. Wonder what all the x-rays, medications, abnormal EEG's, below average IQ, psychiatrist, psychologists, special ed classes, speech therapy, etc mean.....Silly me!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Jim's appology to Ian/no call X-Mas - 1 Jan 2009
Hello Ian, how are you? I am sorry that I did not call you at Christmas. There is no excuse for not wishing you and your sister a very Merry Christmas. I hope you got all the presents you wanted for Christmas and I hope that you had a good time visiting with Connor in the hospital. How have you been? Good I hope. I wanted you to know that I love and miss you very much and wish that I could have come down there for Christmas. I am sorry for disapointing you. Someday I hope to make it up to you. You are growing up so quick and I am afraid I am running out of time. I wish you the very best in life and love you alot. Take care.
Love your Dad.
Love your Dad.
Thursday, May 17, 2001
Letter to Jim - 2001
Dearest Jim,
Hello. Well, I had a week and a lot came into my heart, my mind, and my soul. I decided there are certain things I want, and there are honestly only a couple of catches! Really!
I know that I miss you when you aren’t here with me. The bible isn’t quite as adventurous; the conversation not quite as interesting. Church is a bit empty when you’re not in your spot with a child crawling over you; or your strong arms picking one of them up.
I know that I want married the way I always wanted us married: In a special moment about your and my commitment to each other. I do not know all your reasons for choosing me. But I chose you because I fell in love with you. I did not choose the problems, but they were allowed to nearly tear us apart. In choosing you there should have been no space between us, for anything to squeeze in. If you chose me, why did all the other people get a space? That should have been our space and it should have only been ours.
I believe that if we truly remember how it felt, nothing else then or now needs to matter next to God. For with him we have each other, a home, two beautiful sons, (and two nutty cats), and family that cares about us.
However, the lying has to stop. Or I will no longer be able to proceed with my life with you. And the reasons are because I want better for my kids than someone they may find lied to them. You can’t tell our son in a restaurant that you do not smoke when you do. It is far better to say, “I have a problem, but maybe you can help me quit. Because, like you, I know it is really bad for me.” I don’t want to explain to them that you are lying in that coffin, because you did not care enough about yourself and us. And for the memory they have be that you lied.
I chose not to drink from the day I met you. I have chosen not to drink because there is nothing so bad that God can’t carry for me that alcohol can. Or drugs or smoking. See? But the lying is what I hate the most, because then I do not know when you do tell me the truth. Does he love me, or is he lying? Does he want another child? Does he want to be a better father? One lie is all it takes for the trust to be broken.
Church. I need God in my life more than a bible reading. I need him incorporated into ever thing. I need him in the morning and afternoon and night. I need church and I need you to share that responsibility with me for the sake of our sons’ souls. It says in the bible about the bad kings that they “caused Israel to sin”. And we will be guilty of the same if we do not teach them how to follow God and be good people. I am not sure if we have to wake you at 4am on Sat for you to go in early or if you need to talk to Dawn. We need that together. That or we need to go on Sun like 930a and you go in late. You help decide please. And I will try and lay off the late working times – at the Casino. (But there are times that if you miss out on something we’ve planned, the people you care about most may stop wanting you to be there all together. And I don’t want that to be the boys.)
I am glad you got time with your dad. I think it was good. But think how great it would have been to a child.
Money. If you can’t handle it with me, and you don’t want me to handle it, then we need to take it to A. Joey. We cannot blow it all because you are making more. We are behind and nearly $300 short a month. We have paid no taxes. We need to come to a solution on the money situation. But I do not think I should give you money to blow on cancer. I do not want to worry about money all the time. Someone asked me today, “Does he want to you be worried and stressed about money your whole marriage?”
Do you? We need to start a savings. In case we had a fire. Or one of the children got ill. Anything. You are supposed to have SIX months worth in a savings! And I hate being pushed and pulled. One day I am the warden guarding the money. The next I am the thief giving it to you to make you quiet. I don’t like you not having money in your wallet, but you can’t even keep it. Maybe it would be good for A Joey to help us through this raise. I don’t want to repeat what we’ve always done. And that is blow anything we’ve had.
No more credit companies. No more lies. Church. No smoking. I need you to stand beside me, strong and tall as if defending me from the lions, no matter who or what that lion may be. I will never forget something someone once said. And the saying was worth more than him ever doing it. “I will defend you like you’ve never been defended before”. A man said that about a woman he loved. Must be one heck of a love story!
We need the bills paid FIRST. Then, when all is said and done we need to decide whether it gets split or siphoned out by a third party. Whatever. You can blow more money on bottled soda……Maybe if it was in your wallet you’d protect it more. I think a certain amount should be given and if more is needed perhaps a talk about the necessity? I am just trying to find a way we can both agree upon.
Aflac – fine keep it. I still think there are better insurance like Blue Cross (no maternity) that are better than the Casino. They only pay 70% and if you want another kid You will be paying like $2,000 to hospital etc for it. If I get enough disability (some millinium) want the Lovelace. They have great medical.
I love you a lot. More that you will ever know, due to my inability to vocalize it. I love so much about you-you may die never knowing. I will never marry anyone else. And I want you to be sure that marrying in the church is what you want with me. I do not want to ever hear, “Lets just divorce” again. If that is ever what you want, don’t bother telling me, just send me the papers. I think if I come home and all the clothes are gone, I will get the hint. You might leave a note saying why or who her name is, but I only need that for closure. Curiosity would kill me. I’d actually have a man hunt just to ask why.
I do not want the nasty mouth in front of the kids. Say something brilliant that will stun me like, “Dear, the kids are present and we do not want to dement them more than they are normally. So, I can write it down on paper or we can take it up later in private.” And for the sake of the boys, I will try to do this. Paper is much safer for me.
Kids. Well, this is a funny one. I have always wanted a lot. But then I married un-medicated you. I am not understanding that the next child will do any different. I do not see the diapers etc being different. And if they are I may be hurt that Connor and Ian were not. I do not want to get pregnant this year. Lets see how it plays out. I want to see how the boys do in school. How your job is. If we are even here. How money is, as I will definitely want a van! I want to see us in church, with God, and our marriage as a Christian couple.
I think I could want one. I think I could see stopping the depo if the rest of the year goes well. No crying during holidays and birthdays. No job coming before birthdays and anniversaries or whatever. I’d hate to hear, “Well, honey I would have been at the hospital, but the bus still hasn’t come”…..See my point? "I'm sorry Jim, you have broken bones? Well, as soon as my washer stops and I hang them on the line I will be right over…."
I am thinking of the shop. There are things I think I’d like to do without a baby. I am not saying no yet. I think I have to see that you want one and why. Otherwise, it will be like I was told once, “You have kids for you. Not for them.” And I have to be sure if your end doesn’t hold up, that I want the baby. For me. So I don’t resent a child and gift from God.
Anyways, how many chapters is this? I do love you. I did miss you. The boys missed you. When Ian heard a noise when they were going to sleep he said, “That’s Dada out there”. Guess even they are used to you being noisy! I will be glad to see how this year ends. No matter how it ends though, it has been our best year. I love you.
MacLeod (So, can I change my name yet?! HaHa!)
Hello. Well, I had a week and a lot came into my heart, my mind, and my soul. I decided there are certain things I want, and there are honestly only a couple of catches! Really!
I know that I miss you when you aren’t here with me. The bible isn’t quite as adventurous; the conversation not quite as interesting. Church is a bit empty when you’re not in your spot with a child crawling over you; or your strong arms picking one of them up.
I know that I want married the way I always wanted us married: In a special moment about your and my commitment to each other. I do not know all your reasons for choosing me. But I chose you because I fell in love with you. I did not choose the problems, but they were allowed to nearly tear us apart. In choosing you there should have been no space between us, for anything to squeeze in. If you chose me, why did all the other people get a space? That should have been our space and it should have only been ours.
I believe that if we truly remember how it felt, nothing else then or now needs to matter next to God. For with him we have each other, a home, two beautiful sons, (and two nutty cats), and family that cares about us.
However, the lying has to stop. Or I will no longer be able to proceed with my life with you. And the reasons are because I want better for my kids than someone they may find lied to them. You can’t tell our son in a restaurant that you do not smoke when you do. It is far better to say, “I have a problem, but maybe you can help me quit. Because, like you, I know it is really bad for me.” I don’t want to explain to them that you are lying in that coffin, because you did not care enough about yourself and us. And for the memory they have be that you lied.
I chose not to drink from the day I met you. I have chosen not to drink because there is nothing so bad that God can’t carry for me that alcohol can. Or drugs or smoking. See? But the lying is what I hate the most, because then I do not know when you do tell me the truth. Does he love me, or is he lying? Does he want another child? Does he want to be a better father? One lie is all it takes for the trust to be broken.
Church. I need God in my life more than a bible reading. I need him incorporated into ever thing. I need him in the morning and afternoon and night. I need church and I need you to share that responsibility with me for the sake of our sons’ souls. It says in the bible about the bad kings that they “caused Israel to sin”. And we will be guilty of the same if we do not teach them how to follow God and be good people. I am not sure if we have to wake you at 4am on Sat for you to go in early or if you need to talk to Dawn. We need that together. That or we need to go on Sun like 930a and you go in late. You help decide please. And I will try and lay off the late working times – at the Casino. (But there are times that if you miss out on something we’ve planned, the people you care about most may stop wanting you to be there all together. And I don’t want that to be the boys.)
I am glad you got time with your dad. I think it was good. But think how great it would have been to a child.
Money. If you can’t handle it with me, and you don’t want me to handle it, then we need to take it to A. Joey. We cannot blow it all because you are making more. We are behind and nearly $300 short a month. We have paid no taxes. We need to come to a solution on the money situation. But I do not think I should give you money to blow on cancer. I do not want to worry about money all the time. Someone asked me today, “Does he want to you be worried and stressed about money your whole marriage?”
Do you? We need to start a savings. In case we had a fire. Or one of the children got ill. Anything. You are supposed to have SIX months worth in a savings! And I hate being pushed and pulled. One day I am the warden guarding the money. The next I am the thief giving it to you to make you quiet. I don’t like you not having money in your wallet, but you can’t even keep it. Maybe it would be good for A Joey to help us through this raise. I don’t want to repeat what we’ve always done. And that is blow anything we’ve had.
No more credit companies. No more lies. Church. No smoking. I need you to stand beside me, strong and tall as if defending me from the lions, no matter who or what that lion may be. I will never forget something someone once said. And the saying was worth more than him ever doing it. “I will defend you like you’ve never been defended before”. A man said that about a woman he loved. Must be one heck of a love story!
We need the bills paid FIRST. Then, when all is said and done we need to decide whether it gets split or siphoned out by a third party. Whatever. You can blow more money on bottled soda……Maybe if it was in your wallet you’d protect it more. I think a certain amount should be given and if more is needed perhaps a talk about the necessity? I am just trying to find a way we can both agree upon.
Aflac – fine keep it. I still think there are better insurance like Blue Cross (no maternity) that are better than the Casino. They only pay 70% and if you want another kid You will be paying like $2,000 to hospital etc for it. If I get enough disability (some millinium) want the Lovelace. They have great medical.
I love you a lot. More that you will ever know, due to my inability to vocalize it. I love so much about you-you may die never knowing. I will never marry anyone else. And I want you to be sure that marrying in the church is what you want with me. I do not want to ever hear, “Lets just divorce” again. If that is ever what you want, don’t bother telling me, just send me the papers. I think if I come home and all the clothes are gone, I will get the hint. You might leave a note saying why or who her name is, but I only need that for closure. Curiosity would kill me. I’d actually have a man hunt just to ask why.
I do not want the nasty mouth in front of the kids. Say something brilliant that will stun me like, “Dear, the kids are present and we do not want to dement them more than they are normally. So, I can write it down on paper or we can take it up later in private.” And for the sake of the boys, I will try to do this. Paper is much safer for me.
Kids. Well, this is a funny one. I have always wanted a lot. But then I married un-medicated you. I am not understanding that the next child will do any different. I do not see the diapers etc being different. And if they are I may be hurt that Connor and Ian were not. I do not want to get pregnant this year. Lets see how it plays out. I want to see how the boys do in school. How your job is. If we are even here. How money is, as I will definitely want a van! I want to see us in church, with God, and our marriage as a Christian couple.
I think I could want one. I think I could see stopping the depo if the rest of the year goes well. No crying during holidays and birthdays. No job coming before birthdays and anniversaries or whatever. I’d hate to hear, “Well, honey I would have been at the hospital, but the bus still hasn’t come”…..See my point? "I'm sorry Jim, you have broken bones? Well, as soon as my washer stops and I hang them on the line I will be right over…."
I am thinking of the shop. There are things I think I’d like to do without a baby. I am not saying no yet. I think I have to see that you want one and why. Otherwise, it will be like I was told once, “You have kids for you. Not for them.” And I have to be sure if your end doesn’t hold up, that I want the baby. For me. So I don’t resent a child and gift from God.
Anyways, how many chapters is this? I do love you. I did miss you. The boys missed you. When Ian heard a noise when they were going to sleep he said, “That’s Dada out there”. Guess even they are used to you being noisy! I will be glad to see how this year ends. No matter how it ends though, it has been our best year. I love you.
MacLeod (So, can I change my name yet?! HaHa!)
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