The original song was from 1961 by Del Shannon. (Yes Bon Jovi made a version, which is the 3rd version of the song.) This one goes like this:
"I'm a-walkin' in the rain; Tears are fallin' and I feel the pain,
A-Wishin' you were here by me, To end this misery
And I wonder -- I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder
Why -- why, why, why, why, why...she ran away
And I wonder, where she will stay,
My little runaway, a-run, run, run, run, runaway"
Favorite song aside it isn't very pleasant when you have a child that run's away, however. It sends a feeling of being crushed, like a big vise has closed around your heart. Your breath seems to have difficulty coming.
For me this is not a new thing, but it doesn't ever ease the feeling that I have each time. This last time was also the longest my son has been gone. I fret, I want to sit down & write, but I can't sit still. I look out the window, I mop the floor, & look out again.
This time I did go after him right off. He ran when he saw me driving & hid as I drove by & then I hid around the corner, knowing he couldn't have gone far. He was surprised when I pulled out. He jerked, not knowing if he would take off again or not.
I told him to get in the car & he refused. I told him to get home then, but I knew he wouldn't. I went home as he walked across the school yard.
Frustration / Anger is usually what makes my son go. He called me a bitch, which isn't very unlike his nature. He is not a big one on breaking things, throwing things, or name calling. (This would be more up the line of his older brother who has more severe "issues".)
A million things go through your mind. Should I call the cops? He came back last time. When do you panic? Once he thought he told me he was going to a friends & I didn't hear or understand & I called the cops. I scoured the neighborhood with others. I was so freakin scared! When he got home he was upset & embarrassed. I was just glad he was home!
What if you call the police too late? What if some weirdo picked him up? Hit him with the car? "What if's" can kill you. They are neighbors with "Should have" & "Could have".
The one thing I am glad of is that my son doesn't look like a little kid. He has outgrown me & doesn't look just 13. It doesn't help the other way around either. He has disabilities, but looks normal.
Yes, he did come home. He had very shakey legs from having walked a great distance around out town. Crazy kid. He hurt a great deal, physically from it. I asked if he thought I should feel sorry for him & he said no. I figured sore legs is the least of what a kid should owe a parent who frantically picked up her house & just stood outside staring down the street. Turning on the light hoping he will call from somewhere.
Due to the nature of his issues, I wonder when the next time will be. I know he was sorry for calling me the name & sore from walking so far, which made him think twice about wondering so far, but it will happen again.
I don't look forward to it & it always makes me think about parents who's kids don't come home. Do they get fed up after the trillionth time & let them go in order to keep their own sanity? Does the day come when it isn't in their thoughts 24/7 but they hope one day they will call or come home? Do they sit at home waiting for the phone to ring from the police that they have "identified" your child? Maybe you will never hear from them again & you hope they are happy, but wonder if they are one of many John or Jane Doe's? It is why the uncertainties drive us people crazy. Many of us don't like not knowing.
I know you can't sit around worrying about it all the time & I don't. But I also know it is there, in the back of my mind, waiting. And I don't think I could be a parent that just let them go without searching forever, but I could be wrong. I hope I'm not. I also hope, he won't run away again.
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