The counselor for my son, Connor called the other night. She was asking questions about my concerns regarding Connor coming home. It was hard to talk to her with Connor there.
How do you tell the counselor that the reason Connor is doing so well is because he doesn't live at home? That as soon as he is out of that living arrangement he will not be able to function as well as he is?
When he says through the phone how good he is doing & you tell him you know & your are proud, but in the back of your head you are saying, "But you can't come home." And your heart aches.
Connor said how he wanted to come home & he misses his brother & baby sister you just want to rip your heart out so you can't feel it any more. You want to shut off your brain from it telling you that you cannot have your first born son at home where he should be. You want to tear out the memories of how much you wanted your child. What it was like to carry him, give birth to him, & watch him grow. You want to drown out the guilt you feel that you cannot do what you need to do to raise your own son!
Then you have to act like a responsible parent & you know that you have to protect all three of your children.
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