Visiting Connor - 20 Feb 2012

Faith & I went to Las Cruces this morning. We picked up Connor & went to our apt at FYI with "Irma" the counselor. It was better than usual & I am sure that is because I said Connor was coming home to me after his discharge. This is what happens to parents who are sick & tired of fighting with insurance.

They don't care if a child gets out & kills someone, breaks the law & goes to jail. After all that isn't their responsibility. It is the parents. The one who gave birth to them....cause we asked for a child that would suffer their whole lives.

Anyway, after that we went to McD's to eat. Connor & I chatted while Faith ate & played. Then we were off to see the movie, Journey 2 which everyone needs to see because it was just too awesome! (Yes, I know I am partial to Dwayne Johnson, but it would have been awesome anyway.) It continues with Sean from the first Journey movie with Brendan Frazier.

Then we had to go to the park. We went to a different one where, for the first time, I felt like I was in the minority being white! So, it was off to DQ & I gave the kids these toys called "Blanks" where they are different shapes & they decorate them. Connor's had a cylinder head & Faith's was shaped like a cat. Connor decorated his head like a pumpkin. Of course. :)  It was my Val Pressie for them. I had given Connor a stuffed animal (monkey) with a rose that played music. He liked that.

I sent Ian a card. When he called he asked if the "money fell out in the mail". He is such a twirp! :)

After we dropped off Connor, Faith & I went to Barnes & Noble. She got these question booklets "How well do you know your bride?" & "How well do you know your groom?" Faith said she was going to ask them questions & then give it to them.

I got a new quill & Faith spent some allowance money on a kit that teaches you how to crochet. We'll see how fast she loses her patience & says, "This thing is stupid!" :)

We came home.....                          

After the sisterly final straw - 22 Feb 2012

So, after the little texting chats, where I no longer would text, Tess sent me a few e-mails. 1. She wanted the documents I typed up for her name change. 2. She wanted the wedding invitation for her wedding I designed. I got a polite e-mailed thanks.

Obviously since I was going to start cooking all meals for Faith & myself, I would need a few of my plastic bowls etc for micro cuisine. I bought new spices & food item to get through the week. I was leaving Tess/Bill everything else. Well, a couple days later when I came home from taking Faith to school I found the rest of my kitchen items sitting in my little front room.

One of the funny things about this is Tess had just had surgery Mon, but could clean my stuff out of the kitchen? Well, I posted it on facebook. She took exception to it & sent me this e-mail:

I see that u r posting things on FB even though I never once said anythg bad @ you or posted anythg @ our problems...and just for clarification I saw that u had taken ur things from the pantry so I assumed u wanted all ur stuff so I put it in ur room.

So ill give you somethg else to write about: I want u moved out by april 1st--and no that ISN'T an april fools joke.

T

 

 

As I was going to get it the car Tess was outside telling Bill goodbye. I said to her, "I'm not going anywhere." She made a couple of comments that I couldn't get & I asked her what, but she went in the house.

 

 She & Bill are moving out after their wedding....well I am not moving out & back in. That is ridiculous, costly, & I am not doing it to my daughter.

 

So, after that, her texts start again. I am starting to dislike the phone more than I already do!

 

I took Faiths cereal & a few of my bowls to cook with. I was leaving you everything else. And I am not going anywhere. (I had text it, not knowing I would see her.)

 

(Feb 15, 2012)
Tess  OK. We can either sit n talk things out or we can live like this for the next 6 months...
Tess  Seriously Nona. This isn't good for any of us. When u get home this afternoon,  lets sit down n try to get this worked out...

Me -  What is there to talk about? You said I was treating you badly and took advantage of you and I didn't like how you were treating me and being rude to Kerry was unnecessary.

Tess  Don't u think that's exactly why we need to talk?  Yes I was feeling like I was doing everything.  Do u realize u never ask me how things r? U never ask if I need anythg? U never ask if I'm doing OK or not? Those kinds of things...  I'm not sure what u mean @ how I was treating u or when it was happening, but that's something I should know @ so I can work on it isn't it?

Tess  I will b apologizing to Kerry.

Me -  Couldn't be cause you pretty much blew r friendship to hell. I trusted u & you betrayed that trust.

Tess  Well either u or kerry or both of u were lying to me because she would tell me one thing and you would tell me the opposite--I don't like being lied to that broke my trust too...

Me -  Well if you thought I lied...what was she supposed to say when confronted?

Tess   She kept telling me she didn't say those things!  So someone was lying and I don't appreciate it...but that's done with...we have nothing to do with them so u guys could save ur friendship...I just wrote her to apologize and now I won't contact her again.

 

(But she did. She appologized, but then went on. She was texting her as I stood there! She kept going on about it till my friend finally got annoyed (which can take years) & told her to get over herself.)

Tess   Do u even care how I'm doing after this surgery?

Tess   I'm just trying to let u know how I'm feeling right now... Get things on both sides out in the open so that hopefully we can get past all of this...

Me - Bill text me @ your surgery, so I knew how you were. After your texts the other day telling me off I figured we were done.

Tess  Is that really what u want?
Tess   I know he text u. He told me. Would u have asked if he hadn't have text?

Me - I knew he'd let me know. I wasn't concerned with him taking care of u. Again you told me off & after the last you told me off I figured I wld stay to myself. When I got home you text you n Bill were moving & that was that.

Tess  Still didn't answer my question Nona. Would u have even asked? Do u even care?
Tess  Bill n I had just talked a couple days b4 I told u @ moving and I thought I better let u know...

Me - Yes I care & always will but r friendship has been...perhaps beyond repair.

Tess   So this is how its gonna b the next 7-8 months?  And what @ my wedding?

Me - You already took over the wedding stuff. I have the ribbon & will get that to you.

Tess  I assume that means u don't want to b in it. What @ bug?

Me - She plans on being in it as far as I know.

Tess   OK. Do u want to send ur dress back or keep it?

Me -  I am keeping it. I have my boots etc. I paid for it so might as well.

Tess   I was just saying u could get ur $ back if u wanted too.K. Then I just need to get bugs things.

Me -  I am getting it already.

Tess  R u sure?

Me -  I've already ordered. And I said I wld b4

Tess  OK. Thank u.

That was the last of the conversation & I haven't said anything since except this is the potato salad with deviled eggs.  

The Final Straw w/ my Sister - 11 Feb 2012

My sister, Tess (Tonya) does a great deal of cooking. I in turn have been paying for meats. This last time I let her have the money & she went on base with Bill to pick out the meats she will use.

So, usually I text to ask if she will be fixing dinner. She didn't for the last two nights. So, instead of texting & asking every night to see what I need to do for Faith & I, I text her this:

Perhaps when you don't know @ dinner you can let me know a bit early? Thanks.

Well, apparently that was not only a mistake, but my phone was sarcastic when it sent the message. Her replies:

I'm sorry. Didn't realize truck wasn't goinna run earlier. Didn't know I was on a set schedule or that I was the only one who could cook, do dishes, remember to take the trash out, etc. Especially doing it all for free.

And now I have to get the truck fixed. Can't wait any longer...so screw my bills I'm already behind on....and screw a wedding supposed to be getting ready 4...because we need the 2nd car...but instead of asking all I get is sarcasm....

Well, I just asked to know so I can feed Faith, but I won't ask any more & fix our own. I pay for the food so you do cook. I am not dealing with the trash when I haven't been able to use it for several weeks & take mine to town. I pay for the dryer so figured that was even. I thought you letting me know on days you had plans was easier than me texting @ it every day & I pay for elec too.

You pay for half electric & half trash because you use it...a little help would have been nice is all - if nothing else to help me remember. But u always have to b sarcastic. U never ask how I'm doing. U never ask if I need anything. Yes u pay for part of the groceries & I don't mind cooking most of the time, but I still get stuck with the dishes & the trash & apparently the grocery shopping now too.

After some time she text:

Just to let you know. Monday is my surgery - won't be cooking dinner for couple days.

Here is what I think of this mess.

Truck - she has had problems with it since Oct. She knew this. She spent tons of money at Christmas & took a "payday" loan in December to go with Bill to Texas. She hasn't been making her minimum bills payments & I have even made one for her - in full. He has a vehicle & so their "need" for two vehicles is beyond me & I have always told her she can borrow the car.

But they can afford to go out & drink.

Trash - I haven't been able to put in my trash. They had so much & then forgot to put out the trash. When I have asked about putting it out Thurs eve she has said, I will take it in the morning. So there is that. But she is mad at me for not reminding her? Really? Grow up.

Bills - I have been paying 1/2 trash, 1/2 Elec since I have been there. I never asked for her to pay anything on the dryer rental I pay.

Wedding - I have paid for the blank invitations. I have designed the invites. I have put my time into looking for items for the wedding. I also paid for both bridesmaide's dresses. I offered at the beginning of this month to buy her wedding dress as well. She said instead, they needed to borrow $170 to pay their cell phone bill. I have also lent my car & given other cash to her as well.

Faith & I look after the dogs. Faith fed them just last night. They had no food out. But they are chewing up the carpet pretty good for being left alone.

My leather chair & couch which are in her front room, I don't have room in my side, have been ruined by her cats peeing on it repeatedly. I just this last week finished paying them off. $130 was this last payment. Wonder who will replace that.

So, besides this, betraying my confidence (other blog post) & how she acted in Dec. I am done. She can find another Maid of Honor, as I no longer feel it is an honor.

23 Feb 2012 - Productive day

Well, today must be a pretty good day. I have picked up, tended to the sick (Faith:), fixed lunches, exercised on my ball, played a video game, blogged & just finished the dishes!

I tried to show Faith how to crochet. It was a kit she bought from Barnes & Noble. She decided it was a bit too hard, so I got her some material & thread so she could practice stitching. She seems to like that pretty well.

I guess this is about as exciting as it is getting for 1 pm!

Bucket Head - 1 Feb 2012

Keep your eye on the orange bucket.....



Yes, it is moving......
 

By George, does that bucket have legs?!


This would be my daughter roaming the yard, yes with a bucket over her head. I watched her & she never peaked out of it to see where she was going. Crazy child!

Undone - 29 Jan 2012

When did my life come so undone?
When did I lose control?
Why is my family in pieces?

I never expected life to be easy.
I never expected it to always be sunny.

But who expects to have their children not to live at home?
Who thinks they will have to make choices where their own child can't live with them?
How do you put a good spin on that so your child doesn't think you are abandoning them?
So they think you still love them, but this is what is best for them?

Why does a parent have to fight with the insurance companies who only want to run a business?
They don't care about your ill child.
Then when something horrible happens people blame the ill child or the parent.

What are you supposed to do?
Tears flow & your body is wracked with sobs.
Then they just won't come any more.
But you are still left there to make the horrible choices you should never have to make!

My head hurts, my heart aches, my soul is being ripped from my chest.
If this is how I feel, then how will my child feel?

SMacLeod

Life's little complications - 27 Jan 2012

Last week I got a call from Connor's foster mother. The insurance is wanting Connor out of treatment foster care. So the FYI counselor wanted a meeting the 6 of February with me & his foster mom to go over "ideas" of what may be next for my son.

That night I sat & cried. When I mentioned to his sister, Faith, about them wanting him out, she said what would seem so simple to many people, "Why? He is getting help there."

You would think. You would think that insurance was designed to help people; especially people who have illnesses. I wonder if John Hyde & the incident in Albuquerque, NM where a mentally ill man went to facilities begging for help, which was refused, went on a shooting rampage, means anything to anyone besides me?

Options? One is to come home. He needs more structure than most homes provide. I get sick several times a month, who will keep constant supervision over him then?

Two, a group home, which may take him. He will be with other males that are older than him & not necessarily as in need of such care.

Three, to hand my son over to the state. They will take over his care. I will have my heart ripped out of my chest as will my children. Can you imagine the abandonment my son will feel?

I called his father crying, not knowing what to do.

If Connor is removed from his school & treatment foster home here is what will happen:

1. They will not complete his testing for Autism & IQ.
2. They will rip him out of a school he has done well in.
3. They will rip him out of a home that provides structure & constant supervision.
4. Once again, when Connor is doing well, he will be taken from all that he is used to & responds well to.

The best thing that has happened since that day was Jim calling to say that he & his fiance are looking into facilites where they live in South Dakota to see if he can be placed there.

I don't know why, but all three of our children thrive when they are raised seperately. They love each other & I hope that won't change, but being together is just not a safe, happy, feasible way for them to live. I hate it. I wonder what went wrong & why. I would rather give up my son to further help, though, than not do what is safe for all three of them.

I know God doesn't give us more than we can bear, but it sure does hurt. I am glad God is there to carry us through.

SMacLeod