I have been a special needs mother for a very long time. Over the years you learn different things like what to look for. What may trigger things. What types of things to look for; a look, a sound, a face, the weather.
Being a parent of a special needs child is a stressful things in & of itself. This is if a child just has
one need be it a physical need or a mental need. If you couple this with more than one need or more than one child or a child & a spouse or a spouse & more than one child, then there is going to be more stress, depression, workload, physical demands, monitary demands, & many other requirements. You want to add schooling, schools that want you involved, social involvement, your children having friends, parents of your friends, & you having friends. Your spouse & you if you have one & their friend. You having a friend. There are so many dynamics that "regular" people hardly think about. (Not discussing family.)
I had a great friend prior to being married, but her husband relocated. I had another but after I had my baby that to none. I had one long distance friend for several years, but not where I lived.
Children like mine are difficult. They can wear you out. They can make you laugh & make you cry. They make you see the world different. You can see the world & hate it. You can want to change it. You can be too tired to try any more. You can see dreams in their eyes & know why God made them & thank him for it. You can curse the people who can't see it too.
When you go to WM & a tall child is having a temper tantrum on the ground at volume 20 & cussing like a sailor & people are looking at you like you must be the worst parent in the world & you'd really like to educate them on the early signs of childhood bi-polar, but don't, it doesn't inspire one to go out in public much.
It hurts when no one wants to invite your child over to play. And scarey when they do. Terrifying when they go over as you wait for the call or a sibling to come home & say they can't go back because they hurt someone or scared someone. What then? What friends will have then? What do you say to them the next time they want to go with their brother or sister & you have to say "no" & they don't understay why? Do you know what that feels like? Not to you as the parent, but to your child. To their heart. How much rejection in life can their heart take? Luckily my older son can handle this more as he tends to forget is a smaller amount of time. But he also can remember & hurt out of the blue from something in the past too.
Now I have another child who is prone to depression, but it has improved as he gets older. He is a runaway risk & a cutter. This has also improved as he gets older, but he is a teen & going through those lovely hormones. He is also getting very big & does not understand his strength as he is going through these huge growth spurts. Feet, legs pains, arm pains, etc. He grabbed my wrists the other day & I had to point out he had to be careful as I didn't think he knew how tight he had hold of my wrist.
The evening of my birthday there was an incident with my son & I saw the warning signs & was too wrapped up to pay attention to them when I have spent all these years learning the damn things & it is me that is supposed to help my son learn how to handle these things now, so he can know how to handle them when I am not there later!
At dinner, Ian was visibly unhappy. He was sitting between two of my friends little girls, when I knew he shouldn't have. I knew he had a low threshold. Once we had eaten there before with the little ones & he had gotten upset. His own sister annoys him. Duh. He has gotten upset in the truck before & not gone with us, he gets moody, he's 13. Why didn't I move him? If not then, why not later? He said his arm was hurting, that always makes you grumpier. And I was so wrapped up with chatting away I didn't even see what transpired. I am grateful he told the truth, of course, but it wasn't good.
Apparently, the little girl, who is 6, kept hitting him in his arm. He asked her repeatedly to quit, then he grabbed her wrist. He threatened to break her arm, them let it go. He obviously scared he & she had cried. How can you not feel terrible for her? Not to mention he is gigantic to her. Not that I think he would, but threatening big kids is totally different & being six years old, I am sure she thinks he would!
When he told us what he said, I made him stay & talk to him. Explained he couldn't say things like that to little children. Explained how he scared her, that she is just little & now she was afraid of him.
(Kerry had pointed out how she gets anxiety eating out with others just that evening a bit later.) So, you feel horrible. There it is. Your child is irritable, he threatens a small child & of course the parent is going to protect there child, what else would they do? When her dad, who is TDY right now called that night, the little girl cried & told her dad. That is enough to make you feel so terrible & it made her mom feel even worse.
The last thing I want to do is hurt her, her girls & her family, because not only is she my best friend, but I love the girls & think of her husband as my friend. I just talked to her a couple weeks ago about them being an aunt & uncle to my kids. Her husband is such a good man I had hoped he would be a good influence on my son.
Ian is very upset for what he did. He does not wish to be like his dad. We saw a Dr. Drew about the circle of abuse & it scares him. He knows the liklihood of his sister being an abuse victim & he an abuser & is scares him. He gets very protective of his sister & very upset at the thought of being an abuser & how he might treat a woman. He is sorry that he has scared Taylor & is upset that he disappointed Kerry & is upset that he has let Chris down as well.
I stood in Hastings when I got the text & I cried. Because I understand her saying he has no right to threaten her baby. Because Ian is my baby & I too, will defend my baby. I cried through the whole store.
Not just because of my my son, but because I put my son in a place I felt at the time I should not have put him in. Because it was avoidable. That is why I am angry. It was avoidable. I am angry at me. You see, if I put him next to Faith & I, the girls on the other side, it would 98% likely wouldn't have occurred. Then this wouldn't have even happened.
My son told Faith my friend & I hated him & that I gave up my friendship for him. I made him sit on my bed. I told him that I love him & Kerry loves her children & parents protect their children. That no matter what our children do, we may not always like it, but we will always love them. I also told him that Kerry & I will always be friends.
So, the day after my birthday, I cried until I went to sleep. And although Kerry has said she was not mad at me, & didn't want to lose our friendship over this, & I parked in front of her house the next morning, it wasn't okay on my end because I felt, as I explained before this was my fault too. Being a special needs mom you just can't ignore those special powers you have learned over the years. You have been given those insights for a reasons. They are for us to use to teach our special kids how to cope with things now, because we won't always be around later.
I am sorry son. I am sorry Taylor. I am sorry Kerry. I am sorry Sonya. I won't let it happen again. Cause I hate crying! :)
Nooo clue what so ever....
It is actually very hard to photograph her with one hand as she is very fast. 
