Faith swimming w/ her Friends

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How does one go from loving someone to disliking them? How do you forge forwared in a marriage over-looking faults' and when is it too much?  Too many excuses? Do you make the excuses out of love? And what happens the day you realize you have spend years trying with someone & you will always end up giving more than you have?

Then you feel you wasted so many years of mostly misery & sadness, not just for you, but for your children as well. Then you get to watch it happen to your children with their parent & you wonder how many years of sadness & pain they will endure.

Connor will be home tomorrow! :) My family will be together again. SMacLeod

15 July 2010 - U Joe & Dad

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Kim let me know that the dr wants to close U Joe's stomach up Saturday. They hadn't taken out his traech tube yet (am). His Vent would be in until at least Saturday. They think the bleeding that started yesterday is gastritis. Not much to do for it but Nexium. His bp was 112/80 & his heart rate was 58.

According to dad, Jerry told Jim a couple days ago they were worried about his heart & mentioned a pace maker. I never heard that. I will ck with Tess. Dad seems amused that I don't know "everything". I am not sure what is up with him.

I basically told pop this is how we were raised - to be there for family. He said he knew mum would have been there with A Shirley 24/7 since it began, but that he couldn't do it. That is fine, but don't make me feel like I shouldn't. If I had the money, I would still be there.

I asked him why he'd been so grumpy & he said he didn't know he had been. Ugh. Also told him Tess doesn't feel like he talks to her @ stuff & he said it was because she is never out "here" (in this part of the house). And of course, he went in & she is getting ready for bed! Ugh.

I did ask when he thought he'd move up the hill; he said before Christmas. I told him we'd move out there "slowly" starting with Tess first. I don't think we will in the end. I just have this feeling he won't want us to. We'll see, I guess. He pointed out how much work it is & I replied, what isn't? I told him he would have to figure out if he'd sell it to me or rent to me. I just don't think it will happen in the end. If I can, I will move Tess out there. Then we'll see if I move out with her or not. It would be good for her to have a place of her own.

Talked to Dr. Fiszbein today. He is calling in prescriptions for me. Going to add Trileptal or Seroquell EX, whichever the insurance will cover. Hopefully, it will help with the impulse control. That would be nice!

Jim says he is prob bringing him back next week. I told him I wouldn't have the money. He asked if I could "owe him". (@ $200)

He wanted to drive Connor to me two days ago. I asked where I would put him as I didn't have room. So, in the few days I was there with U Joe & family, he pushed 2x's @ Connor. Poor boy!

18 July - U Joe had surgery. 4 hrs. In recovery & looking better.

1 Aug - U Joe, clots in lungs & legs; dehydrated. Better colour today.

Garden City, KS - 12 July 2010

We arrived in Garden City, KS Sunday. After checking into the hotel we saw Uncle Joe. He was on life support, but doing better than he had been. Tamara Kaye looked thin & haggard. She doesn't look well. Kim looks worn out, but ok. Aunt Shirley looks okay for all she has been through. U Jerry & John are here. I saw Tarlyn, her hubby Ace & their son Guage (first time:).


Today they are taking hte breathing tube out. U Joe has responded off & on. Apparently, he responded really well to Taryn yesterday. Today he is responding period. They did find a small amount of heart & kidney damage. He may have had a smal heart attack.  They still have his chest open. Kim described seeing how they bandaged that. She is strong like my mother.


I have been tired & grouchy being here. Todd & Marissa are here. Marissa is cute & everyone likes her. This time reminds me of being in Las Cruces when my mum was the one with her chest open. So, it looks like he has some years left sinc my mom did. :)


Jim text yesterday @ money to bring Connor home. I explained the situation. Kim asked if I told Jim it wasn't an option. Ha. Jim is bringing Connor back instead of being a father.  If Tess stays, I will have Jim bring Connor to Garden.


I haven't talked to Pop. He's been a pill since he got back from the UK

MacLeod Tattoo, what else? - 8 July 2010

Today was the day for my much anticipated tattoo appointment! That was interesting. He had a flat bed, but since he was working on my right arm, I was laying on my left arm, holding my head & going to sleep & my right hand was resting on his leg.


He was a really nice guy, Eric. I haven't had one that wasn't though. (Must be an artist thing.) He made me laugh. He was excited about the plaid & very happy with it. He wants to see it when it is healed.

I can't find a pic, but will put one in!

It was unusual to have my hand on a man's leg since the only man I have touched other than relatives since 1996 is my ex husband! Oh now I think that just sounds ssaadd.


After going with Tess to see her bankruptcy attorney (thank goodness it is getting done) we picked up Faith from Kerry's. Kerry really liked it & said, "It looks like you".  :)
 (Miss Hailey was running @ naked!)  Faith was tying herself to a pole & Taylor was trying to figure Faith out, I think.  Miss Masie was blowing bubbles & I was awful & blew & it popped in her mouth! It was not nice!


I made a funky shelf out of the wood from Faith's old loft bed.  Ian had gone swimming at Nick & Nates & when he came home ran in upset. He forgot his cell was in his pocket & was afraid of the punishment. If that is the worst he ever does, I am a happy camper!

Love (& miss my one) Monsters!  SMacLeod
P.S. I weighted 233lbs at OB apt. Yeah! 5lbs gone!

The Walking has Begun! - 6 July 2010

Well, it happened! I got up & out of the door before 6:30 am for my walking! Now, lets hope I can keep it up, the food out & the weight down!


Faith went to Kerry's today. Tess & I went to see Belle (have a hair apt tomorrow) & to WM. I actually have my desk neat & now maybe tomorrow I can work on the rest of the room!


My sister needs to get over her "Man not helping deal" as my son is only 12. He was doing his own laundry & she wanted him to fold them & he didn't want to since they weren't his. He got upset & she got angry; she steamed & he went to his room. I wasn't mad at him & I don't expect she appreciated that.  Well.....


There is a small tabby/calico cat we see from time to time. I saw two little kittens & then the mom. They were so cute. Three babies in all!  SMacLeod  :)

I started writing in this cute notebook with this funny little pen that I found at Staples the other day. It is a green "blade" of grass with a butterfly on top. It really is very cute!



See! Cute!

Yesterday, July 4th, Tess, Faith & I ran to a couple of stores. Ian spent the day gallavanting around. He is home less than any of us. He also had a later night out; it was about midnight before he was in bed.

The rest of us watched fireworks out back. Faith had some "morning glories" & was happy. We went in before the end, but Tess watched them. She seemed annoyed asking why I always miss the end. 4th isn't really my thing. Faith & I read. :)

Pop stopped by today & seemed more cheerful than he had been. I said something about a dating sight & he said it sounded like "Someone was keen on getting married again".  It is funny because I didn't think I would be, but the thought of someone coming home & being with me has become a nice thought. Now whether it will happen or not, only God knows.   SMacLeod  :) smile!