In Need of Help from Above - 24 Jan 2009

I called the boys last night. I talked @ 4 1/2 mins each. Ian is happy; got a cold a couple of days ago, like me. I told him his sister infected me with her germs! He said he was doing well; no request to come home.

Connor wanted to know if I'd opened his X-mas presents yet. I told him they were waiting for him. He asked when he was getting out. I told him that was up to him & his doctor. He said okay. He told me he hadn't hit anyone in a while & I told him that I was proud of him. (Then what, when he comes home?)

Connor told me to tell A Tess, the kitties, GMa & GPa "Hi" & that he loved them & their "big dog" (Phantom).

The dr. had called me earlier @ Ian's Zoloft & said he was doing well. I said I knew in an unhappy tone. The dr. said he had been begging for school. I had a call telling me he would be starting school Mon; that there would be 7 boys in his class & they had a field trip at the Popejoy Hall to see the Shanghai Circus. So, when I talk to Ian he said he knew & there were two more days.

Jim called Faith the day after I complained @ his lack of calling & @ his conversation.

I love my babies & pray that the Virgin Mary will intereceed on their behalf to help them & me, as a mother; someone that needs more help being a good mother & that my fears @ the boys when they come home are unfounded. Amen.


SMacLeod

Hide n Seek & Memories with my mum - 19 Jan 2009

Monday, January 19, 2009


Today, Faith, Tess & I went out to see Grandma & Papa. Faith played hide & go seek with Papa. Tess & I packed up books mum wants us to keep or take to the library. Hey, look, more stuff!  The good news, I got a bookshelf to put them on!


I like going out there. Tess had an old creamer & sugar cup to show mum. It was from her parents' anniversary in the 50's. She looked surprised, but in that happy, remembering way. She remembered the day, the table decor, etc of the day. So neat.  Mum said something about her siblings not remembering what Grandma looked like (her mom), & I made a quip @ her seeing her last, I was talking @ when she was walking with the angel, seeing her mum, etc. But she made a crack first that no, they all saw Grandma at the same time when she died. I am glad I can be entertaining to someone! (Of course, my kids say I am "funny" too, but I am not sure that is a good thing!)


It was funny watching Papa & Faith playing hide & seek. First Faith hid in the exact same place 3 times & he lost her 3 other times! She was giggling & laughing. She was cracking me up.


What a time in our lives as well. Martin Luther King Jr. day, when my 5 year old can tell me about how he has changed the world & tomorrow a black man will become president of the united states, close by President Abraham Lincoln's monument & the one that fought for freedom of slaves. If this doesn't cover it from one end to the other. It is amazing. After all, Mr. Obama is a writer, he can't do too bad!


SMacLeod

P.S. Jim (her father) hasn't called to talk to Faith in over a week.

Ian's going to Desert Hills - 9 Jan 2009

Today I got the release forms faxed to me to fill out & sign. Ian got transferred this afternoon to Desert Hills. I called him tonight & he sounded very happy. I talked to Connor as well. I was giving him a hard time for not calling me. He said, "I forgot". I say, "YOU FORGOT!!" I love to tease him.


I miss them, Faith misses them, Holly really misses Ian. But...I know they are safe, doing well, & happy. And as much as that stinks for me, this isn't about me, but how they can be safe & happy. I just hate for kids to suffer so much.


My friend's son Kyle is really having some problems as well. I wish I knew how to help her. She is really having a hard time as Kyle gets older & his behaviors seem to be going in reverse. I think it may be from other kids that harassed him during the basketball practise. His mom says it has gotten better, but I am not sure if any is better. He has an apt tomorrow for an intake to see the neurologist. Maybe he can get re-diagnosed & get some affective treatment that will help them all.

What is right?

J I am so glad! Especially how I cried the other night when he told me about how miserable he was. I cried to my sister. I just needed reassurance that I was doing what was right for him. I got such a headache!! So, to have him sound HAPPY thrilled me!

Ian sounded very happy tonight.

J Mommy loves & misses her Ian Ian!

Losing another child - Jan 6 2009

Ian had had a pretty good Christmas Vacation. I think that we were in Albuquerque helped. He drove all the kids' parents in the neighborhood crazy. Then, we only had two day left until school started again. But on this day, Ian & I were butting heads about cleaning up his room. His aunt was having a hard time with his disrespect. I knew he was having a harder day than he had been. But he had gone into his room & cleaned up some. So, when I was in Tess' room talking to her, I didn't think anything bad was going on, but Ian walked in to the room with his arm cut & scrapped up & said, "Are you happy now?"

And, as I promised if he ever hurt himself again, I called Desert Hills. I got an apt. for the 12, but drove him up to Kaseman's which is a Presbyterian Hospital acute care psychiatric clinic. It was a drive, since I threw things together in 15 minute & had to get gas on the way out of town.

He was okay until he had been checked in & we were waiting for an assessment. He wanted to go home. Then he just wanted a room to sleep!

The next day I went to get him some jeans, pj's, velcro shoes, & a coat. I got to spend some time with him. I built the train track in his car as we talked. He ate lunch. He was not happy to be there, but he knows why. I am not sure of the understanding of the link between cutting himself & him being there to get help so he doesn't do that.

Ian had a hard time over the next few days. I called him everyday as I promised. He was having some problems with an older kid that is staying in the clinic. He got upset & tried to cut himself with a domino. I talked to his counselor. I told him to think of his sister & me. That if he continued to do that, he would not be going to desert hills soon.

He promised & the counselor, Monica, said he talked to her & has kept his promise.

I did call too late one night & they didn't tell him I called, so he was not too happy about that.

Jim's appology to Ian/no call X-Mas - 1 Jan 2009

Hello Ian, how are you? I am sorry that I did not call you at Christmas.  There is no excuse for not wishing you and your sister a very Merry Christmas.  I hope you got all the presents you wanted for Christmas and I hope that you had a good time visiting with Connor in the hospital.  How have you been?  Good I hope.  I wanted you to know that I love and miss you very much and wish that I could have come down there for Christmas.  I am sorry for disapointing you.  Someday I hope to make it up to you.  You are growing up so quick and I am afraid I am running out of time.  I wish you the very best in life and love you alot.  Take care. 

Love your Dad.