Bottomless Rock Bed - 29 May 2006

Bottomless Rock Bed

May 29, 2006

First thing this morning the kids & I did a basket full of shopping. I don't have too much more left; mostly meats.


Jim called while we were there & said he wanted a divorce. After our conversation yesterday.... I said if that was what he wanted, I'd sign. I reminded him he'd lose VA money & he said that was fine & he'd pay the filing fee. I wasn't really upset until I did the paperwork. Then I was bummed. I called my sister & that was when I started the flowerbed.

I thought I would dig out the rocks from the flowerbed. It turns out there is tons of dirt under the rock & shells. I dug and dug. Eventually, I wasn't sure if it even had a floor! So, I evened it out.

The kids & I went to Kmart & got plastic to put down & then I moved the videos to what used to be the flower bed. I hope later to put a cover on it; perhaps cushioned, eventually.  It was far messier than I anticipated!

After Kmart I got Long John Silvers; way too much. Not more going there! On the way I remembered the boys had Donna apt. She said despite the two incidences, Ian jumping out of the tree & Connor lighting twigs, she feels they are doing well. She asked about Jim & I & she said I seem calmer.  

Unfortunately, yesterday, I said some harsh things, which is why Jim wants the divorce. He said he felt he gives me something positive by being in my life. I said, "No, you don't. You cause turmoil!" He said he was a good husband and I said, "No, you aren't." He said someone may think so. I said, but I am your wife so it is what I think. Just getting you to watch the kids.....

I told him he lives a lifestyle I no longer want. He lives like a single man and that is fine, but I don't live like a single woman. We don't go somewhere everyday; eat out 3 times a day. I exercise now. I made a comment about him changing & suddenly the defenses go up & he wants to know if I am going to change. I said I am not going to change because I am happy the way I am. I am happy with my life, in my home, raising my kids. He said he had hoped for reconciliation, but after talking to me that didn't seem likely.

He mentioned he couldn't move on as long as he was married to me. He won't even be moving back until next year! I can't tell him what may happen. Today, I told him in a year who knows what will happen. We may be able to fall in love again, but Jim said that couldn't happen if we were married. So, that is that, I guess. Funny enough I seem touchier about this second marriage than the other. This certainly doesn't help me with money or the life insurance issue we just got back on.

The house is still a bit of a mess from rearranging, but I think we're all happy.

Back to school in the am! SM MacLeod J

Letting you go / May 28 2006

May 28, 2006

Jim said, "If I love you I will just have to let you go."

Hospitalize my Son? - 20 May 2006

Hospitalize my Son?

Saturday, May 20, 2006

I am not happy. Dr. Fiszbein is sounding like Ian needs to be hospitalized. Last week he tried jumping out of a tree to stop his voices. He started Ian on Lithium, but he is tired, still hears the voices & if they are the reason he wanted to kill himself it makes sense to me to stop the voices not just take the desire of suicide out of the picture.

He had me give Ian another 1/2 now & I gave him another .5 of Risperdal. Maybe that will help. I don't know!

SM MacLeod

Mother's Day / B-Day - 11 May 2006

Mother's Day / B-Day
Thursday, May 11, 2006        3:45 PM

I guess nothing extraordinary has happened. I took the kids to the doctor the other day. Nothing bad, just a cold that hasn't given up yet. I had it a bit yesterday & a lot more today. I didn't walk this morning. I am always sorry when I don't, so I definitely have to do it tomorrow.

 This would be the creative one that will take ANY sheet in the house & make a hammock out of it!

Jim sent my Mother's Day/Birthday present, but I haven't gotten it yet. He called to see if I had, but I told him I was going to keep it for Sunday....Maybe I will! J

Seem innocent, right?

 

Did I say they were mine?

We had class this morning. I feel the boys are doing well. I am very proud of them both. I am still working on my pictures. Ugh. I wish I could get them all done. Well, I just have to keep at it.  MacLeod

 

My Mom & Kids

Mom & Kids

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Today I was so tired. I didn't get up and walk like I was supposed to. I dosed off and on until 8. Odd for me. I am catching the boys' cold. They are nearly out of cold medicine so when I got up & dressed we went to the park that Ian had been asking to go to. Unfortunately, he wasn't feeling too well, so we didn't stay long.

Connor likes the swing because he says he feels like he is flying. Ian also likes the swing, but I think it is because it goes high! Faith starts out on the "baby slide" and then graduates up to the big ones. She is such a mix of her brothers. She is timid like Connor, but once she does it, on her own (she doesn't like suggestions), then she is daring like Ian! Imps. J {Some things never change! 2011}

See, not much different at home, just less clothes!

 

After that detour we went on to Wal-Mart to get some more cold medicine. We also checked out some items & found most had that blasted hydrogenated oil junk in them! Scary & sad! Jim would be pleased; I bought a lottery ticket & washed the van! Faith wasn't too thrilled. Connor used to be terrified of them.  She wasn't quite as bad.

I called mom & talked to her a bit. She had just washed Pest & was chasing him round the house for a dry! She sounded tired. I made her a photo collage with her grandchildren & her & a couple of Tess & I. I ordered her sunflower "wallies" for her kitchen from ebay yesterday. I think the boys are going to decorate a couple of containers (big cans) for her as well.

Connor has been having quite a streak of misbehaving. This evening I took his outside for two days. I hate it, but he is really on quite a streak. I need to watch & see if the cold medicine may be partly to blame. Being sick always makes them worse.

While they were eating dinner I went out & walked (back yard). I did 5 miles! Yeah! J I have sore feet, but hey! I was pretty pleased with myself. My legs felt like I just got off a ship!

Well, the boys have been getting yelled at. I wish I could discipline without yelling. That really bothers me. Connor isn't feeling well. It is almost bedtime for tonight. Yeah! And I know why I walk in the am's! The boys don't get in trouble when they are asleep! J

Love them! SM MacLeod

Always a Surprise - 4 May 2006

Always a Surprise

Thursday, May 04, 2006

There hasn't been anything too unusual going on. Jim has freaked me out a bit. First he called me to ask about my birthday so he could "budget" it in. That was a shocker! Then he gave me money to pay for the final Electric bill. That really is freaky. But in answer to his question, no I still didn't want him back. He asked about sex. I asked him why I should give him sex. Old time sake he said! Ugh.

The good point is that yesterday I walked 10,000 steps. 4.42 miles! Today I walked 4 miles. I now have to get the calories down. I am consuming too many calories, so hopefully I can get that under control. I have to stop eating after 7pm. I think that is my killer. So, I need to reread some of the Weight Loss Solution and try to work on that.

This is what my daughter is doing when I walk or watching Teli Tubbies!

This is how she tortures a corn dog!

Eek!

I am writing my God-daughter, Vikki in the UK and her sister Lauren. Sarah is e-mailing me more as well. I am also writing to my pen pals as well.

The boys are fine. They both have a bit of a cold. Faith seemed to have skimmed past it after her day of fever. I am hoping I don't get it when they get well. That is usually what happens.

We are having pizza for dinner! Connor's request.  J SMMacLeod J

Brother of the Illness - 1 May 2006

BP - Brother of the Illness

Monday, May 01, 2006       2:33 PM

Connor's medications are the same.

Ian had a .5 increase in Risperdal and added is the Dextroamphetamine (which seems to be helping with his reading). J

They had talked to their dad off and on. Mostly by telephone. Ian talks to his dad the most and Faith.

We've had a bit of trouble with the boys and the "I wants". We had a time out in class last week and talked about how much money mommy has to pay out every month. It helped a bit and was one big  math problem!

Connor, although better, is still blaming Ian whenever he gets into trouble. Ian is having a problem with tattling. It is causing problems with Connor. Connor thinks Ian tattles because he hates him. Many times he is trying to keep Connor from hurting himself or stay out of trouble, but even then Connor is hateful and I am trying to get Ian to quit the tattling.

Connor lost his building privileges. He took apart one of our printers!  I love his imagination, but he uses things without permission and doesn't seem to understand why he gets into trouble.

Ian seems to be having a thing going where he is trying to get me to talk to his dad and tell him I love him. I think he is trying to match make.

We are doing well. Neither feels the best today, but they are doing well in school & I am very glad. The biggest issue I have is having disrespect for me as their mother & our home. Trying to keep in mind their ages, I can't seem to get them to pick up after themselves.