Ian's Beginning 1997......A Work in Progress

At my birth

My brother Connor, my dad, Grandma (Ruth), Aunt Tess (Tonya), Joseph (my second cousin) were there.

The next day

My great aunt Joey & great uncle Robert who said I was the most beautiful baby he had ever seen. My Grandpa (Tony) & Grandma, Aunt Tess, Dad, & Connor.

My mom & I got:   flowers, candy & balloons, a plant from A Joey, yaffa blocks, & undershirts. An outfit & socks from Grandma Harrison in Iowa. And my Great Grandpa Stick in Ness City, KS send us money.

My memorable firsts

Could lift head after he was born!

First smile December 1997

Clasps hands together 1 month

Laughed when tickled 2 months

First rolled over March 1998

First laughed February 1998

First tooth  mid June 1998

Crawled a  little June 10, 1998

Sat up June 10, 1998

Pulls up to stand June 20, 1998

Walked with help a little in June 1998

Makes serious faces when talking July 1998

Talking Junly 1998

"Mmmm" for food" July/Aug 1998

Tooth 3 & 4 on bottom coming in Aug 4, 1998

Walked alone Sept 10, 1998

Drank from cup May 16, 1998 (iced-tea at cousin Todd's graduation party)

Claps hands Sept 1998

First cold:   with my brother Connor on May 9, 1998.

I get bigger & bigger

    Date                                            height                                          weight

 6 Dec 1997                                   22 inches                                  9 lbs  5.2 oz
    Jan  1998                                                                                        13 lbs
    Mar 1998                                   24 7/8 in                                      16 lbs
24 June 1998    6 1/2 mo               27.8 in                                                                          

24 June 1998 (6 1/2 mo)               27.8 in                                         19 lbs 9 oz
Sept 1998                                                                                          23 lbs
                                                                                                (my brother is 26 lbs!)



Oatmeal baby cereal & banana baby food are your favorite food.

Your favorite is your daddy's eagle windchime when I am changing your diaper....and some "un-favorites" diaper changes - you can't hold still! Never! (28 Sept 1998!)

A word about me from Mom....

You are my Special Second boy! (I knew you were a boy & I am especially glad about that!) You smile already & are a very good baby. You only cry when you are hungry & you potty a lot!

I wish you all the best in this harsh world that I bore you into. I pray God watches over you & your brother, Connor, & helps you grow into good men. I hope you both have good hearts like your father & hope we can be good parents to you. Remember we love you, always. I will write more as we learn more about each other. Your mother, Sonya Marie. December, 13, 1997 10:29 pnm

You are growing so fast & doing things so quickly. You are so happy. You hate sitting in your "seat". We have a crib you can lay in, in the front room because you like to look about. I love you very much & so thankful that you are such a patient baby with me! Thank you. I Love You. Mommy. April 3, 1998 12:53 pnm

May 13, 1998 to May 19, 1998 - You went on your first roadtrip with Grandma (Ruth), mommy & brother, Connor to Kansas.

June 11, 1998 - 6 months old. You are growing so very quickly. You chatter a lot, can crawl a few "knees" at a time, sat up without holding yourself yesterday. You wear size 4 diapers; the same size as Connor! You are the cutest, friendliest baby & you are so happy. You love your daddy & me, but especially your big (21 month) brother, Connor.

You are growing so big & fast. You "talk" so serious, with such a serious look on your face. You play with Connor & crawl with food sticking out of your mouth. One day you stopped, took out a chicken nugget, talked seriously, put it back & crawled on. August, 4, 1998 1:35 pnm

August 1998 - We went to Kansas to find a house & on Sept 7, 1998 after my dad got out of the military we went to Kansas to live.



Why Mom's Like Me Don't Have Friends - 1 June 2011

I have been a special needs mother for a very long time. Over the years you learn different things like what to look for. What may trigger things. What types of things to look for; a look, a sound, a face, the weather.

Being a parent of a special needs child is a stressful things in & of itself. This is if a child just has one need be it a physical need or a mental need. If you couple this with more than one need or more than one child or a child & a spouse or a spouse & more than one child, then there is going to be more stress, depression, workload, physical demands, monitary demands, & many other requirements. You want to add schooling, schools that want you involved, social involvement, your children having friends, parents of your friends, & you having friends. Your spouse & you if you have one & their friend. You having a friend. There are so many dynamics that "regular" people hardly think about. (Not discussing family.)

I had a great friend prior to being married, but her husband relocated. I had another but after I had my baby that to none. I had one long distance friend for several years, but not where I lived.

Children like mine are difficult. They can wear you out. They can make you laugh & make you cry. They make you see the world different. You can see the world & hate it. You can want to change it. You can be too tired to try any more. You can see dreams in their eyes & know why God made them & thank him for it. You can curse the people who can't see it too.

When you go to WM & a tall child is having a temper tantrum on the ground at volume 20 & cussing like a sailor & people are looking at you like you must be the worst parent in the world & you'd really like to educate them on the early signs of childhood bi-polar, but don't, it doesn't inspire one to go out in public much.

It hurts when no one wants to invite your child over to play. And scarey when they do. Terrifying when they go over as you wait for the call or a sibling to come home & say they can't go back because they hurt someone or scared someone. What then? What friends will have then? What do you say to them the next time they want to go with their brother or sister & you have to say "no" & they don't understay why? Do you know what that feels like? Not to you as the parent, but to your child. To their heart. How much rejection in life can their heart take? Luckily my older son can handle this more as he tends to forget is a smaller amount of time. But he also can remember & hurt out of the blue from something in the past too.

Now I have another child who is prone to depression, but it has improved as he gets older. He is a runaway risk & a cutter. This has also improved as he gets older, but he is a teen & going through those lovely hormones. He is also getting very big & does not understand his strength as he is going through these huge growth spurts. Feet, legs pains, arm pains, etc. He grabbed my wrists the other day & I had to point out he had to be careful as I didn't think he knew how tight he had hold of my wrist.

The evening of my birthday there was an incident with my son & I saw the warning signs & was too wrapped up to pay attention to them when I have spent all these years learning the damn things & it is me that is supposed to help my son learn how to handle these things now, so he can know how to handle them when I am not there later!

At dinner, Ian was visibly unhappy. He was sitting between two of my friends little girls, when I knew he shouldn't have. I knew he had a low threshold. Once we had eaten there before with the little ones & he had gotten upset. His own sister annoys him. Duh. He has gotten upset in the truck before & not gone with us, he gets moody, he's 13. Why didn't I move him? If not then, why not later? He said his arm was hurting, that always makes you grumpier. And I was so wrapped up with chatting away I didn't even see what transpired. I am grateful he told the truth, of course, but it wasn't good.

Apparently, the little girl, who is 6, kept hitting him in his arm. He asked her repeatedly to quit, then he grabbed her wrist. He threatened to break her arm, them let it go. He obviously scared he & she had cried. How can you not feel terrible for her? Not to mention he is gigantic to her. Not that I think he would, but threatening big kids is totally different & being six years old, I am sure she thinks he would!

When he told us what he said, I made him stay & talk to him. Explained he couldn't say things like that to little children. Explained how he scared her, that she is just little & now she was afraid of him.

(Kerry had pointed out how she gets anxiety eating out with others just that evening a bit later.) So, you feel horrible. There it is. Your child is irritable, he threatens a small child & of course the parent is going to protect there child, what else would they do? When her dad, who is TDY right now called that night, the little girl cried & told her dad. That is enough to make you feel so terrible & it made her mom feel even worse.



The last thing I want to do is hurt her, her girls & her family, because not only is she my best friend, but I love the girls & think of her husband as my friend. I just talked to her a couple weeks ago about them being an aunt & uncle to my kids. Her husband is such a good man I had hoped he would be a good influence on my son.

Ian is very upset for what he did. He does not wish to be like his dad. We saw a Dr. Drew about the circle of abuse & it scares him. He knows the liklihood of his sister being an abuse victim & he an abuser & is scares him. He gets very protective of his sister & very upset at the thought of being an abuser & how he might treat a woman. He is sorry that he has scared Taylor & is upset that he disappointed Kerry & is upset that he has let Chris down as well.

I stood in Hastings when I got the text & I cried. Because I understand her saying he has no right to threaten her baby. Because Ian is my baby & I too, will defend my baby. I cried through the whole store.

Not just because of my my son, but because I put my son in a place I felt at the time I should not have put him in. Because it was avoidable. That is why I am angry. It was avoidable. I am angry at me. You see, if I put him next to Faith & I, the girls on the other side, it would 98% likely wouldn't have occurred. Then this wouldn't have even happened.

My son told Faith my friend & I hated him & that I gave up my friendship for him. I made him sit on my bed. I told him that I love him & Kerry loves her children & parents protect their children. That no matter what our children do, we may not always like it, but we will always love them. I also told him that Kerry & I will always be friends.

So, the day after my birthday, I cried until I went to sleep.  And although Kerry has said she was not mad at me, & didn't want to lose our friendship over this, & I parked in front of her house the next morning, it wasn't okay on my end because I felt, as I explained before this was my fault too. Being a special needs mom you just can't ignore those special powers you have learned over the years. You have been given those insights for a reasons. They are for us to use to teach our special kids how to cope with things now, because we won't always be around later.

I am sorry son. I am sorry Taylor. I am sorry Kerry. I am sorry Sonya. I won't let it happen again. Cause I hate crying! :)

Hands of Love from Ian - Dec 2009

I love my boy!

What is right?

J I am so glad! Especially how I cried the other night when he told me about how miserable he was. I cried to my sister. I just needed reassurance that I was doing what was right for him. I got such a headache!! So, to have him sound HAPPY thrilled me!

Ian sounded very happy tonight.

J Mommy loves & misses her Ian Ian!

Jim's appology to Ian/no call X-Mas - 1 Jan 2009

Hello Ian, how are you? I am sorry that I did not call you at Christmas.  There is no excuse for not wishing you and your sister a very Merry Christmas.  I hope you got all the presents you wanted for Christmas and I hope that you had a good time visiting with Connor in the hospital.  How have you been?  Good I hope.  I wanted you to know that I love and miss you very much and wish that I could have come down there for Christmas.  I am sorry for disapointing you.  Someday I hope to make it up to you.  You are growing up so quick and I am afraid I am running out of time.  I wish you the very best in life and love you alot.  Take care. 

Love your Dad.