As I was backing out of the drive, my dad stopped by. He walked over to the car.
"Still mad I see."
I looked away & back saying, "I am hurt."
I don't get it. We only spoke a bit.
I did point out that I wasn't the one that said nasty things.
It came back to the comment about me not caring for mum. (Ever notice it does.) But he didn't seem sorry about it. No hint of being sorry he ever said it.
I asked if he was going to talk to Tess & he asked what he was going to tell her. I said, "Goodbye, I hope."
I left. Apparently, he went to the door, but Tess didn't let him in. Tess thinks he owes me an apology.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Connor Meds & Ian's Meds - Aug 10 to 27, 2010
August 10, 2010
Connor checked into USB @ 4 pm
Dr wants to remove Risperdal & watch Connor. Looking at impulse control or emotional imbalance.
Trileptal 150 x's 3
Abilify 30mg (1/2 x's 3)
Lamictal 125 x's 2
Risperdal 2mg x's 2
Trazadone 150mg
Melatonin 10mg
Some improvement with length of tantrums.
Checking Trileptal levels.
Aug 15, 2010
Connor was sad then the UBH counselor asked him about coping skills & what he would do when he gets angry. (Same old thing.) He got sad & crying. As we went over ideas which are great. I had to explain he blows up - the steps in between - to think something out, he got more angry. Connor spoke about a kid at UBH picking on him. The counselor tried talking about it being good that he did not hit him, but Connor got more upset & talked about pain & why he had wanted to kill himself (before).
Connor got really angry & yelled that he just wants to "Hit & cuss & hit & cuss". She asked if Connor had ever been to an RTC before so we talked about Camelot & the other RTC's. I gave her the number to Camelot. She said Dr. Hadn't given her a date @ his release. Connor said 7-10 days but when she pointed out @ him not doing well, he was crying.
Connor tearfully told me goodbye. L I hung up & cried & Ian hugged me. I said I would rather be childless rather than have them being in pain. Ian told me not to think that. I told him I hated seeing them hurt. He hugged me & I told him I was proud of him! He is as big as me! 5'5!!!
August 16, 2010
Dr. From UBH called. Connor's Lamictal levels are low & increasing him from 125 mg x 2 to 250 x 2. Still waiting on Trileptal levels. Talked @ Family session going bad & Camelot.
****
Connor got into an altercation with another child. Scratching, biting. Both were ok.
****
Aug. 19, 2010
Connor called & sounded happy. I told him @ his clutzy brother & how he twisted his knee Wed. Connor told me @ a movie he was watching. We said we loved each other.
Aug. 20, 2010
Dr. From UBH called. Connor had another fight. Since Connor has tried the newer antipsychotics & hasn't responded well, the dr. Is going to try one of the older ones.
Nacane (Thiothixene)
He hopes if he can get the impulse control under control that Connor won't need an RTC.
Aug 27, 2010
Connor returned home.
Meds now:
Lamictal 250 mg x's 2
Trileptal 300 mg x's 2
Navaine 4 mg bedtime
Trazadone 150 mg bedtime
****************************
Ian's meds
Lamictal 150 mg in am
200 mg in pm
Risperdal 2mg x's 2
Stop Lithium
Connor checked into USB @ 4 pm
Dr wants to remove Risperdal & watch Connor. Looking at impulse control or emotional imbalance.
Trileptal 150 x's 3
Abilify 30mg (1/2 x's 3)
Lamictal 125 x's 2
Risperdal 2mg x's 2
Trazadone 150mg
Melatonin 10mg
Some improvement with length of tantrums.
Checking Trileptal levels.
Aug 15, 2010
Connor was sad then the UBH counselor asked him about coping skills & what he would do when he gets angry. (Same old thing.) He got sad & crying. As we went over ideas which are great. I had to explain he blows up - the steps in between - to think something out, he got more angry. Connor spoke about a kid at UBH picking on him. The counselor tried talking about it being good that he did not hit him, but Connor got more upset & talked about pain & why he had wanted to kill himself (before).
Connor got really angry & yelled that he just wants to "Hit & cuss & hit & cuss". She asked if Connor had ever been to an RTC before so we talked about Camelot & the other RTC's. I gave her the number to Camelot. She said Dr. Hadn't given her a date @ his release. Connor said 7-10 days but when she pointed out @ him not doing well, he was crying.
Connor tearfully told me goodbye. L I hung up & cried & Ian hugged me. I said I would rather be childless rather than have them being in pain. Ian told me not to think that. I told him I hated seeing them hurt. He hugged me & I told him I was proud of him! He is as big as me! 5'5!!!
August 16, 2010
Dr. From UBH called. Connor's Lamictal levels are low & increasing him from 125 mg x 2 to 250 x 2. Still waiting on Trileptal levels. Talked @ Family session going bad & Camelot.
****
Connor got into an altercation with another child. Scratching, biting. Both were ok.
****
Aug. 19, 2010
Connor called & sounded happy. I told him @ his clutzy brother & how he twisted his knee Wed. Connor told me @ a movie he was watching. We said we loved each other.
Aug. 20, 2010
Dr. From UBH called. Connor had another fight. Since Connor has tried the newer antipsychotics & hasn't responded well, the dr. Is going to try one of the older ones.
Nacane (Thiothixene)
He hopes if he can get the impulse control under control that Connor won't need an RTC.
Aug 27, 2010
Connor returned home.
Meds now:
Lamictal 250 mg x's 2
Trileptal 300 mg x's 2
Navaine 4 mg bedtime
Trazadone 150 mg bedtime
****************************
Ian's meds
Lamictal 150 mg in am
200 mg in pm
Risperdal 2mg x's 2
Stop Lithium
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Pop Fight #2 - Not done with me yet - 25 Aug 2010
I was sitting at my computer when Pop walked in, like his usual self. "Hi"
I was surprised. "Hi" I said. I pushed my chair back as he grabbed a stool & sat down.
I told him we'd never been in a fight like that in 22 yrs. He said he knew that. I cried so hard I got a migraine & only Jim had ever made me cry that hard.
"Well," is what I got. That he had been mad at Tess. I said so, you took it out on me. He replied that, "..if I took it out on you, I'm sorry." IF!?
He pulled out a list about 2x3 with writing on it. He was going down the list of things he'd been doing so I hadn't seen him enough to be able to tell he was "different".
1. He went to England
2. He returned & was recuperating for a week.
3. He started working on the house up the hill.
4. Then I was in KS
5. He was in Kansas
So, he was pointing out that I had not seen him enough to see a difference in him.
I said that he came here for my birthday. Where he barely spoke. Then Father's Day.
He said he didn't remember Father's Day. I said that was pretty sad. Later he said he felt that Father's Day was just commercial to get your money.
I said it wasn't, that it was to celebrate your father. He said it was commercial to get your money & he had told mother that over & over, but she didn't listen. I said too bad my sister, mom & I didn't see it that way. He disagreed & I said fine we won't worry about it any more.
I pointed out that he popped in to see us & kids & I saw him then.
He went on about how he was tired when he came home & Tonya had fixed him dinner. "How stupid was that? If she had told me when I called from Dallas I would have told her to forget it."
I said she thought it would be nice.
"I was on a 12 hr flight."
I said she cleaned the house and...
"She did?"
I was getting upset.
"Yes, & she thought dinner would be nice." So he complained more about that & I said, "Do you think about things from anyone else's point of view? She was trying to be nice!" He had also yelled at one of the kids in the car (on the way home), I reminded him & we didn't stay long, knowing he'd be tired.
About the house: He said he was letting "me" move out there to help out so we'd have a roof over our head etc. (I have a rental I am in.)
I told him he hadn't told Tonya @ mum. He said, "What about her?"
"You haven't told us about taking her ashes etc."
He said, "I have the booklet & photos."
"But you never showed us."
"You all haven't come out."
"We don't feel welcome."
"I don't know why."
"We just don't."
I said he hadn't even asked @ Ian when I said he was hurt.
"I was wondering."
"But you didn't ask."
"I hurt my leg a lot & I am usually ok. So, what did he do?"
I told him. He never asked how Faith was doing or Connor.
Something else was said & I said, "I know you just think I sit on my butt all day & do nothing." I looked at him & he said,
"You said it, not me."
By this time I was really upset.
"I don't need you here to slap me around. I can call my ex for that. He thinks I am a crappy mother & don't raise my kids right either."
"Ookay." He spread his hands.
"It was bad enough you said I didn't care @ my mother." I got up to walk out of the room. I turned back & said, "And you can do what you like with mother & your property."
I walked into Tess' room, sat down & cried. Nikki came & took care of me.
I expected him to leave as I was in there a while, but when I walked out he was still sitting on the stool. So, I went to Ian's room & grabbed his sheets. I came out & said angrily, "She's leaving you know." (Tess)
"Is she?"
"She's packing up & leaving."
I went back into Tess' room to do the laundry; went outside & back out & he was still sitting there. So, I walked out the front door & walked down to Kerry's. At some point, he left.
I also wrote A Brenda who was diplomatic & said he had called her & sounded like he had tears in his voice. I have those e-mails, but it also showed he is telling everyone different things.
Tess & I tried talking to U Jerry who thought we were reading too much into it. He said Pop is being who he is, but without mom. Well, if this is him without mom, then I don't want to be around him.
U Jerry said dad was coming to get him so U Jerry could drive one of the vans to pop's house. I was out spraying weeds & grass when they came. U Jerry teased that I missed a spot. Pop got out & I didn't think he'd talk, but he said, "Morning." I simply said, "Hi."
I am hurt & confused by it all. I rewrote Aunt Brenda & told her our side of it.
I don't know what to do. Right now, I simply don't want to talk to him or see him. His birthday is the 12th & I don't know what to do @ that either. It will be the first birthday Connor has without him Gpa.
I was surprised. "Hi" I said. I pushed my chair back as he grabbed a stool & sat down.
I told him we'd never been in a fight like that in 22 yrs. He said he knew that. I cried so hard I got a migraine & only Jim had ever made me cry that hard.
"Well," is what I got. That he had been mad at Tess. I said so, you took it out on me. He replied that, "..if I took it out on you, I'm sorry." IF!?
He pulled out a list about 2x3 with writing on it. He was going down the list of things he'd been doing so I hadn't seen him enough to be able to tell he was "different".
1. He went to England
2. He returned & was recuperating for a week.
3. He started working on the house up the hill.
4. Then I was in KS
5. He was in Kansas
So, he was pointing out that I had not seen him enough to see a difference in him.
I said that he came here for my birthday. Where he barely spoke. Then Father's Day.
He said he didn't remember Father's Day. I said that was pretty sad. Later he said he felt that Father's Day was just commercial to get your money.
I said it wasn't, that it was to celebrate your father. He said it was commercial to get your money & he had told mother that over & over, but she didn't listen. I said too bad my sister, mom & I didn't see it that way. He disagreed & I said fine we won't worry about it any more.
I pointed out that he popped in to see us & kids & I saw him then.
He went on about how he was tired when he came home & Tonya had fixed him dinner. "How stupid was that? If she had told me when I called from Dallas I would have told her to forget it."
I said she thought it would be nice.
"I was on a 12 hr flight."
I said she cleaned the house and...
"She did?"
I was getting upset.
"Yes, & she thought dinner would be nice." So he complained more about that & I said, "Do you think about things from anyone else's point of view? She was trying to be nice!" He had also yelled at one of the kids in the car (on the way home), I reminded him & we didn't stay long, knowing he'd be tired.
About the house: He said he was letting "me" move out there to help out so we'd have a roof over our head etc. (I have a rental I am in.)
I told him he hadn't told Tonya @ mum. He said, "What about her?"
"You haven't told us about taking her ashes etc."
He said, "I have the booklet & photos."
"But you never showed us."
"You all haven't come out."
"We don't feel welcome."
"I don't know why."
"We just don't."
I said he hadn't even asked @ Ian when I said he was hurt.
"I was wondering."
"But you didn't ask."
"I hurt my leg a lot & I am usually ok. So, what did he do?"
I told him. He never asked how Faith was doing or Connor.
Something else was said & I said, "I know you just think I sit on my butt all day & do nothing." I looked at him & he said,
"You said it, not me."
By this time I was really upset.
"I don't need you here to slap me around. I can call my ex for that. He thinks I am a crappy mother & don't raise my kids right either."
"Ookay." He spread his hands.
"It was bad enough you said I didn't care @ my mother." I got up to walk out of the room. I turned back & said, "And you can do what you like with mother & your property."
I walked into Tess' room, sat down & cried. Nikki came & took care of me.
I expected him to leave as I was in there a while, but when I walked out he was still sitting on the stool. So, I went to Ian's room & grabbed his sheets. I came out & said angrily, "She's leaving you know." (Tess)
"Is she?"
"She's packing up & leaving."
I went back into Tess' room to do the laundry; went outside & back out & he was still sitting there. So, I walked out the front door & walked down to Kerry's. At some point, he left.
I also wrote A Brenda who was diplomatic & said he had called her & sounded like he had tears in his voice. I have those e-mails, but it also showed he is telling everyone different things.
Tess & I tried talking to U Jerry who thought we were reading too much into it. He said Pop is being who he is, but without mom. Well, if this is him without mom, then I don't want to be around him.
U Jerry said dad was coming to get him so U Jerry could drive one of the vans to pop's house. I was out spraying weeds & grass when they came. U Jerry teased that I missed a spot. Pop got out & I didn't think he'd talk, but he said, "Morning." I simply said, "Hi."
I am hurt & confused by it all. I rewrote Aunt Brenda & told her our side of it.
I don't know what to do. Right now, I simply don't want to talk to him or see him. His birthday is the 12th & I don't know what to do @ that either. It will be the first birthday Connor has without him Gpa.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Fight with Pop - 24 Aug 2010
I was sitting down eating before I had to go pick up the kids. My dad walked in. Like I always do I said,
"Hi, Pop. How you doing?"
"I want the keys to the van."
"I don't know where they are. She's asleep."
"I want the keys."
"We were going to return the van. After her apt tomorrow."
"Can you take her to her apt tomorrow?"
"No, I have to pick up Ian. I have to take Ian to school & pick him up because he got hurt. Her apt is at 1 pm & I don't know how long she will take & I have to pick up Ian because he got hurt."
"Well she's not borrowing the car again. If she wants a lift she can call me."
"Why are you being like this?"
"Like what?"
"This." My arms outstretched.
"Do you know the last time she called me?"
"No."
"Two weeks ago, before she left. Well, she text me at 2 am to tell me she got there."
"Well, you left a not so nice message on her phone."
"That's right. That's right. After Maggie called me & told me what was going on. I went to call Jerry & he said Tonya had already called him."
"She didn't call him, I did."
"He said Tonya called him."
"Well, she called Maggie. Maggie said she would call you & Tonya said ok. Then she got the message from you."
"And you didn't even come in when you came & got the cat."
"I went to get the darn thing. I was looking everywhere for it. It wasn't under the porch. I was mad because you didn't believe me."
"Believe you about what?"
"That I saw the cat in video with the dogs. The cat was in a picture with Tea."
"Well, yeah, if it is still, but the moment the cat moves she is after it! All three of them were after her under the ramp. I pulled the side off & she had been clawing & was all muddy. She ran in the house, got a drink, & got mud all over the damned house! Then she was out on the dog house clawing at the dogs."
"Well, what was I supposed to do about it? I have enough in my house to take care of!"
"Well, what was I supposed to do?"
"Just leave it."
"Well I wasn't going to put up with it any more; it had been going on for 5 hrs. It was that or shoot the damn thing."
"And you didn't call her about the cat."
"Why? Was she going to come home & get it?"
"No, but it is her cat."
" I know it was her cat. And that is something I blame you for. I think you instigated that."
"What?"
"Her bringing out the cats."
"No, I didn't. She just figured since she was moving out there she would bring some out. The only thing I asked was that she move out there sooner."
"Well, that won't be happening now."
"Oh, so you are mad & so you aren't going to let us move out there now."
"Not unless you two have an attitude change."
"Why are you being like this?"
"Like what? Tell me. Tell me."
"Just different."
"I am not the one being different."
"Yes you have. You sat right there & I told you that you were different when you came back from England."
"I know you did, but you didn't say how."
"You just have. You barely spoke at my birthday. Father's day we didn't know if you liked anything."
"You don't tell me these things."
"We don't know what to say or do. I just asked Tess what to do @ your birthday because we don't even know if you liked anything. Everyone says your different Tam, Kim, Maggie have said something is different."
"Well, I don't know how Kim could know I saw her about 5 min. When was the last time I saw her?"
"Sept when you were in KS."
"Exactly."
"Did you know mom wasn't very happy on that trip?"
"How do you know that?"
"We talked when we were outside. You were all looking at the house."
"That isn't what she told me."
"Well, she told me."
"Well, I can only go on what she told me."
"Well you haven't been in to see us."
"Why should I?"
"You haven't invited us out since you got back."
"No! No! And I'm not going to. Why should I? (Angry) You can come out any time, just let me know."
"You haven't said anything about the kids coming out."
"When did they ask?"
"Connor asked the last time he saw you."
"Who did he ask?"
"Me, but you didn't say maybe I can talk to your mom & you can come out."
"I don't know why you want to come out anyway, you never do anything but sit there. Why don't you go outside & play with your kids?"
"You have NO idea what I do with my kids. You have no idea what I go through!"
"No, because you never tell me. You hardly ever came out to see your mother anyway. I wonder if you even cared about her."
"I talked to my mother every week. I talked to her about the genealogy when I found something new & she would get excited about it. I understand you lived with mom a long time & that is hard, but we lost her too. She is our mother. Never once have you asked me how I am doing with her loss. Not once."
I looked at my watch. It was 5 until 3 pm & I was crying so hard.
"I have to go get Ian now."
"You can tell her if she wants a ride to call me."
"Why don't you tell her! Why do I have to tell her?!"
"Is she asleep?"
I walked into Tess room where she was happily sleeping & I was sobbing!
Tess asked what was wrong & I told her Pop was taking the van. She said, "So let him."
"I know, but I have to get Ian & Faith."
(Tess) "I'll get Faith, you go get Ian."
I walked out of the house with Pop following.
Not sure how the outside talk started, but I said, so you are going to punish us by not letting us move into the house.
He made some comment that Tess had left a mess in the kitchen & the only thing she told him was a note @ the cat. I pointed out again that he saw her before she left for KS.
Again it came up that I said he never asked me @ mother, so not sure. At this point I was so upset I can't remember it straight, at least not now. Tess came out, pushed me towards my car & said, "Go get Ian." She walked to go get Faith.
I cried until Faith's apt at 3:30 pm.
"Hi, Pop. How you doing?"
"I want the keys to the van."
"I don't know where they are. She's asleep."
"I want the keys."
"We were going to return the van. After her apt tomorrow."
"Can you take her to her apt tomorrow?"
"No, I have to pick up Ian. I have to take Ian to school & pick him up because he got hurt. Her apt is at 1 pm & I don't know how long she will take & I have to pick up Ian because he got hurt."
"Well she's not borrowing the car again. If she wants a lift she can call me."
"Why are you being like this?"
"Like what?"
"This." My arms outstretched.
"Do you know the last time she called me?"
"No."
"Two weeks ago, before she left. Well, she text me at 2 am to tell me she got there."
"Well, you left a not so nice message on her phone."
"That's right. That's right. After Maggie called me & told me what was going on. I went to call Jerry & he said Tonya had already called him."
"She didn't call him, I did."
"He said Tonya called him."
"Well, she called Maggie. Maggie said she would call you & Tonya said ok. Then she got the message from you."
"And you didn't even come in when you came & got the cat."
"I went to get the darn thing. I was looking everywhere for it. It wasn't under the porch. I was mad because you didn't believe me."
"Believe you about what?"
"That I saw the cat in video with the dogs. The cat was in a picture with Tea."
"Well, yeah, if it is still, but the moment the cat moves she is after it! All three of them were after her under the ramp. I pulled the side off & she had been clawing & was all muddy. She ran in the house, got a drink, & got mud all over the damned house! Then she was out on the dog house clawing at the dogs."
"Well, what was I supposed to do about it? I have enough in my house to take care of!"
"Well, what was I supposed to do?"
"Just leave it."
"Well I wasn't going to put up with it any more; it had been going on for 5 hrs. It was that or shoot the damn thing."
"And you didn't call her about the cat."
"Why? Was she going to come home & get it?"
"No, but it is her cat."
" I know it was her cat. And that is something I blame you for. I think you instigated that."
"What?"
"Her bringing out the cats."
"No, I didn't. She just figured since she was moving out there she would bring some out. The only thing I asked was that she move out there sooner."
"Well, that won't be happening now."
"Oh, so you are mad & so you aren't going to let us move out there now."
"Not unless you two have an attitude change."
"Why are you being like this?"
"Like what? Tell me. Tell me."
"Just different."
"I am not the one being different."
"Yes you have. You sat right there & I told you that you were different when you came back from England."
"I know you did, but you didn't say how."
"You just have. You barely spoke at my birthday. Father's day we didn't know if you liked anything."
"You don't tell me these things."
"We don't know what to say or do. I just asked Tess what to do @ your birthday because we don't even know if you liked anything. Everyone says your different Tam, Kim, Maggie have said something is different."
"Well, I don't know how Kim could know I saw her about 5 min. When was the last time I saw her?"
"Sept when you were in KS."
"Exactly."
"Did you know mom wasn't very happy on that trip?"
"How do you know that?"
"We talked when we were outside. You were all looking at the house."
"That isn't what she told me."
"Well, she told me."
"Well, I can only go on what she told me."
"Well you haven't been in to see us."
"Why should I?"
"You haven't invited us out since you got back."
"No! No! And I'm not going to. Why should I? (Angry) You can come out any time, just let me know."
"You haven't said anything about the kids coming out."
"When did they ask?"
"Connor asked the last time he saw you."
"Who did he ask?"
"Me, but you didn't say maybe I can talk to your mom & you can come out."
"I don't know why you want to come out anyway, you never do anything but sit there. Why don't you go outside & play with your kids?"
"You have NO idea what I do with my kids. You have no idea what I go through!"
"No, because you never tell me. You hardly ever came out to see your mother anyway. I wonder if you even cared about her."
"I talked to my mother every week. I talked to her about the genealogy when I found something new & she would get excited about it. I understand you lived with mom a long time & that is hard, but we lost her too. She is our mother. Never once have you asked me how I am doing with her loss. Not once."
I looked at my watch. It was 5 until 3 pm & I was crying so hard.
"I have to go get Ian now."
"You can tell her if she wants a ride to call me."
"Why don't you tell her! Why do I have to tell her?!"
"Is she asleep?"
I walked into Tess room where she was happily sleeping & I was sobbing!
Tess asked what was wrong & I told her Pop was taking the van. She said, "So let him."
"I know, but I have to get Ian & Faith."
(Tess) "I'll get Faith, you go get Ian."
I walked out of the house with Pop following.
Not sure how the outside talk started, but I said, so you are going to punish us by not letting us move into the house.
He made some comment that Tess had left a mess in the kitchen & the only thing she told him was a note @ the cat. I pointed out again that he saw her before she left for KS.
Again it came up that I said he never asked me @ mother, so not sure. At this point I was so upset I can't remember it straight, at least not now. Tess came out, pushed me towards my car & said, "Go get Ian." She walked to go get Faith.
I cried until Faith's apt at 3:30 pm.
Friday, August 20, 2010
20 Aug 2010 - Connor fight USB
Dr. From UBH called. Connor had another fight. Since Connor has tried the newer antipsychotics & hasn't responded well, the dr. Is going to try one of the older ones.
Nacane (Thiothixene)
He hopes if he can get the impulse control under control that Connor won't need an RTC.
Nacane (Thiothixene)
He hopes if he can get the impulse control under control that Connor won't need an RTC.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
19 Aug 2010 - Call fm Connor
Connor called & sounded happy. I told him @ his clutzy brother & how he twisted his knee Wed. Connor told me @ a movie he was watching. We said we loved each other.
Monday, August 16, 2010
16 Aug 2010 - Connor USB Dr
Dr. From UBH called. Connor's Lamictal levels are low & increasing him from 125 mg x 2 to 250 x 2. Still waiting on Trileptal levels. Talked @ Family session going bad & Camelot.
****
Connor got into an altercation with another child. Connor has a bite on the left side of his stomach. He kicked the other kid & the kid scraped him with a coloured pencil. Both were ok.
****
****
Connor got into an altercation with another child. Connor has a bite on the left side of his stomach. He kicked the other kid & the kid scraped him with a coloured pencil. Both were ok.
****
Sunday, August 15, 2010
15 Aug 2010 - Phone meeting Connor
Connor was sad then the UBH counselor asked him about coping skills & what he would do when he gets angry. (Same old thing.) He got sad & crying. As we went over ideas which are great. I had to explain he blows up - the steps in between - to think something out, he got more angry. Connor spoke about a kid at UBH picking on him. The counselor tried talking about it being good that he did not hit him, but Connor got more upset & talked about pain & why he had wanted to kill himself (before).
Connor got really angry & yelled that he just wants to "Hit & cuss & hit & cuss". She asked if Connor had ever been to an RTC before so we talked about Camelot & the other RTC's. I gave her the number to Camelot. She said Dr. Hadn't given her a date @ his release. Connor said 7-10 days but when she pointed out @ him not doing well, he was crying.
Connor tearfully told me goodbye. L I hung up & cried & Ian hugged me. I said I would rather be childless rather than have them being in pain. Ian told me not to think that. I told him I hated seeing them hurt. He hugged me & I told him I was proud of him! He is as big as me! 5'5!!!
Connor got really angry & yelled that he just wants to "Hit & cuss & hit & cuss". She asked if Connor had ever been to an RTC before so we talked about Camelot & the other RTC's. I gave her the number to Camelot. She said Dr. Hadn't given her a date @ his release. Connor said 7-10 days but when she pointed out @ him not doing well, he was crying.
Connor tearfully told me goodbye. L I hung up & cried & Ian hugged me. I said I would rather be childless rather than have them being in pain. Ian told me not to think that. I told him I hated seeing them hurt. He hugged me & I told him I was proud of him! He is as big as me! 5'5!!!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Faith Riding a 2-wheeler
Aug. 15, 2010
Faith decided her training wheels would come off & she would be off!
Faith decided her training wheels would come off & she would be off!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
10 Aug 2010 - Connor in hospt.
Connor checked into USB @ 4 pm We had an apt at 12:30! I am not sure how long he will be here.
Dr wants to remove Risperdal & watch Connor. Looking at impulse control or emotional imbalance.
Trileptal 150 x's 3
Abilify 30mg (1/2 x's 3)
Lamictal 125 x's 2
Risperdal 2mg x's 2
Trazadone 150mg
Melatonin 10mg
Some improvement with length of tantrums. Checking Trileptal levels.
Dr wants to remove Risperdal & watch Connor. Looking at impulse control or emotional imbalance.
Trileptal 150 x's 3
Abilify 30mg (1/2 x's 3)
Lamictal 125 x's 2
Risperdal 2mg x's 2
Trazadone 150mg
Melatonin 10mg
Some improvement with length of tantrums. Checking Trileptal levels.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Everything gone wrong.. 7 Aug 2010
Did you ever have one of those days when everything went wrong?
I had a cat mess first thing this morning. One of my cats (the smallest) got in with my sister's cats & they scared the * out of her. Really. After that I had to give her a bath. Then I argued with my dad over a cat under his porch (my sisters) & his dogs that "were going to hurt it" (Despite video of them playing when he was gone!) After that, Faith & I had to go to Dog Canyon to find the cat & bring it back. (My father never appeared.) I looked all over for the cat which was outside the yard in a shed & not under the porch!
I got lunch on the way home. My oldest is banned from the computer as he put a toolbar on Ian's computer that was NOT child related! AUGH!
A kid my son Ian calls a friend was outside trying to pit one of the boys against another & two other boys were hiding. I am not sure what may have gone on, but since I was around the corner listening, not much!
I picked up my cell to see the sticky note that Ian had counseling at 9 am this morning! This was after 1 pm.
One of the mustard dips for the chicken nuggets fell on the floor & I rocked over it with my rocking chair. Now there is dark yellow on the carpet.
So, here I am, trying not to move much & awaiting the next folly! :)
I had a cat mess first thing this morning. One of my cats (the smallest) got in with my sister's cats & they scared the * out of her. Really. After that I had to give her a bath. Then I argued with my dad over a cat under his porch (my sisters) & his dogs that "were going to hurt it" (Despite video of them playing when he was gone!) After that, Faith & I had to go to Dog Canyon to find the cat & bring it back. (My father never appeared.) I looked all over for the cat which was outside the yard in a shed & not under the porch!
I got lunch on the way home. My oldest is banned from the computer as he put a toolbar on Ian's computer that was NOT child related! AUGH!
A kid my son Ian calls a friend was outside trying to pit one of the boys against another & two other boys were hiding. I am not sure what may have gone on, but since I was around the corner listening, not much!
I picked up my cell to see the sticky note that Ian had counseling at 9 am this morning! This was after 1 pm.
One of the mustard dips for the chicken nuggets fell on the floor & I rocked over it with my rocking chair. Now there is dark yellow on the carpet.
So, here I am, trying not to move much & awaiting the next folly! :)
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